Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Meanma Exposed!

Behind this big round Meanma mask, there is a person that none of my children or grandchildren really know. So I decided to compile a few facts about myself that will amaze, amuse, and help them get to know the person, buried deep within the folds, flaps, wrinkles, and ripples of stretched skin they think is me!
1. I once was a size 7, had long flowing hair, and all my teeth. Really.
2. I could type 40 words a minute, without any mistakes!
3. I once wrote a letter to Donny Osmond asking him to send me his free love beads. (No, he never answered, which was his loss, the little twerp)
4. I hit a kid over the head with my steel Lassie lunchpail. (That was just last week!)
5. I could rollerskate pretty darn well.
6. My most embarrassing moment was while jumping on the tramp in co-ed P.E. as my butt hit the tramp, I let one rip. (I blamed it on the popular girl in our class). Sorry, Jan!
7. I really liked Mrs. Ruble!!
8. I flirted with a peanut seller at the circus. (I bought the peanuts...I still have the old empty sack that I saved for thirty years.)(That really is pathetic.)
9. I have num chuck skills. (Okay....that one's a lie.)
10. I made my sister go on a date with a boy because his sister was my friend. (She was mean to him all night.)
11. Mom really did like me best. :)
12. I and my friend had a secret language in junior high that we could understand and no one else could. Malitchy Gablonka! (Funny, that's all I can remember now.)
13. I've actually owned 45 records, lp records, an 8-track and tapes, and a cassette player! Whooo. Whooo!
14. I have also driven a Ford Falcon and bought candy for a penny a piece!
15. I was going to name my children Jesse, Dana, and Eric Sheridan!
16. I thought money grew on trees, I was born in a barn, and life was a bowl of cherries. And even though the grass is greener on the other side....I never tried to smoke it. I realized that every dog had it's day, and that I couldn't get blood from a turnip. And I never tried to make a silk purse from a sow's ear or spit into the wind.
17. I sang songs like "Sweet and Innocent","My ding a ling", "Chewy, Chewy" and "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, Georgie Sire, and thought it was normal!
18. I listened to bands called Three Dog Night (okay, I don't get it), singing about a bullfrog named Jeremiah, Creedence Clearwater Revival, talking about a Bad Moon on the Rise, and the Doobie Brothers. (Okay, now I know what a doobie is....then I didn't.) Seriously.
19. I ate Crispy Critters, Whip and Chill, and Shake and Bake....and I helped!
20. And I never really ever watched The Exorcist, because I plugged my ears, closed my eyes, and sang really loud so I couldn't hear it.
21. The dirtiest word I ever said was my last name :)
22. I got a ventriloquest dummy one year for Christmas....jeez I asked for stupid Christmas presents. Jeanne got a snow cone maker....I got a microsope. Jeanne got an easy bake oven...I got a rock......
23. Lawrence Welk had a singer that looked like a chicken's butt, puckering up to poop. (Okay, that was what my bald headed grandpa used to say.) If you ever watch Lawrence Welk....you'll recognize him from his "O" shaped lips.
24. My candy grandma tried to make me touch a dead person in their coffin....I refused...then she tried to make my little sister....now that was crossing the line, and I put an end to that! In other words, I can stick up for myself when I have to, but I can defend others pretty viciously if I need to.
25. I once rode a roller coaster, because I had a crush on the carnival worker....circus workers, carnies...what does that say about me....Oh, jobbies, too.
26. Billy Graham used to scare the heck out of me...Now Hillary does!
27. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times described my junior high days.
28. I used to be able to wrap my legs around my neck....now I can wrap my neck around my neck.
29. The viaduct was the scariest part of my childhood. Mr. Kuster and Mary Daniels were a close second.
30. Okay....I hate to admit that this one is part of the real me. I liked to look at accident sites....

This is just a few of the facts about the younger me....I hope you learned at least one thing you never knew. Meanma exposed!

1 comment:

TD Ozzo said...

Wow.. that's all I have to say :)!! That was soo funny I about peed my pants. Thanks for telling me to read it today! :D