Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Should Be Less Apathetic, but I Really Don't Care!

I have been worried about my apathy lately. It seems I lack any passion, concern, or emotion when it comes to just about anything. I just don't seem to give a darn, or a fig about what's going on around me, what anyone thinks, or whether or not my family cares an iota about me. Okay, the last part is definitely not true. With this pathetic wave of apathy that has descended upon me, has also come an extreme irritation at my family, and an underlying self-pity that has me on an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. I feel unloved and unworthy of love...but at the same time, I demand and expect it without giving it. I believe I am going through a teeny tiny mid-life crisis, however, it is so tiny that it's hardly worth mentioning. I go through the motions of work, then come home to the same old, same old, and began the vicious cycle all over again the next day. "Where is the passion when you need it the most?" "I kick up the leaves and the magic is lost....." Most days are not bad...they are also not good. They are just days! Does that make any sense? I use to live in black and everything is just gray. I use to say yes and it's "who cares." I'm definitely in a funk....I should try to pick myself up by the bootstrap and pull myself out of it...but,....I really don't care!

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