Sunday, September 28, 2008

Laughter: The Apathy Defeater!

And by the way, my apathy has dispursed...and my laughter has returned! See my last post.

Nights in Rodanthe, "Or However in the World You Pronounce It" sister, nephew and I went to see the movie Nights in Rodanthe. Okay...I normally love this kind of movie. Definite chick flick, romance and sad all wrapped up in one. However, this was not to be! Picture this... a couple of middle aged, menapausal women and a junior high age boy walking into this small theatre. We're early, of course, because neither of us like to be late, we get our popcorn and sit down. Now no one is in there yet, so we're talking about how hot we are in there. We're saying, really loud, "Man, it's hot in here." "I don't know if it's my hot flashes, but it is really hot in here." So this teenage projectionist boy, hear's us and goes over and turns the air conditioner up. We thank him politely, he leaves and my sister begans telling me that the worst customers are middle aged women like us. Apparently, most are very demanding and aggressive in their behavior. Imagine that! We had a good laugh about it, and settled in to watch the movie. The theatre started to fill up and this very skinny college age girl came in and sat toward the back. Two minutes later, she got up and went out again. A couple minutes past and she re-entered pulling on a hoodie sweatshirt. When she got back to her seat, she told her boyfriend it was really cold in there. Jeanne and I exchanged a mischievous look and twinkling eyes, and nearly busted out laughing. Serves those pencil children right for not getting some meat on their bones. Actually, we discussed how we could have cut off some of our extra padding and wrapped it around her for a jacket. It sure keeps us warm. That is how the evening started and it just got funnier from there. Now believe me, bringing a junior high age boy to a chick flick is probably not the smartest thing to do, but when he leaned over during Richard Gere and Diane Lane's love scene and whispered, "Repulsive...old people should never take off their clothes," Jeanne and I lost it again. It started to be a giggling fest. The more serious and sad the movie became, the harder we laughed. We couldn't even look at each other without bursting out loud. I thought I was going to have to leave the theatre because I got those terribly offensive giggles that you try to hold in for as long as you can, and then all sorts of noises squeeze from your mouth and nose. It was the most fun I've had in a really long time. The movie was lame.....but oh, it was so worth the $6.00 and buttered popcorn!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Should Be Less Apathetic, but I Really Don't Care!

I have been worried about my apathy lately. It seems I lack any passion, concern, or emotion when it comes to just about anything. I just don't seem to give a darn, or a fig about what's going on around me, what anyone thinks, or whether or not my family cares an iota about me. Okay, the last part is definitely not true. With this pathetic wave of apathy that has descended upon me, has also come an extreme irritation at my family, and an underlying self-pity that has me on an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. I feel unloved and unworthy of love...but at the same time, I demand and expect it without giving it. I believe I am going through a teeny tiny mid-life crisis, however, it is so tiny that it's hardly worth mentioning. I go through the motions of work, then come home to the same old, same old, and began the vicious cycle all over again the next day. "Where is the passion when you need it the most?" "I kick up the leaves and the magic is lost....." Most days are not bad...they are also not good. They are just days! Does that make any sense? I use to live in black and everything is just gray. I use to say yes and it's "who cares." I'm definitely in a funk....I should try to pick myself up by the bootstrap and pull myself out of it...but,....I really don't care!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Meanma Exposed!

Behind this big round Meanma mask, there is a person that none of my children or grandchildren really know. So I decided to compile a few facts about myself that will amaze, amuse, and help them get to know the person, buried deep within the folds, flaps, wrinkles, and ripples of stretched skin they think is me!
1. I once was a size 7, had long flowing hair, and all my teeth. Really.
2. I could type 40 words a minute, without any mistakes!
3. I once wrote a letter to Donny Osmond asking him to send me his free love beads. (No, he never answered, which was his loss, the little twerp)
4. I hit a kid over the head with my steel Lassie lunchpail. (That was just last week!)
5. I could rollerskate pretty darn well.
6. My most embarrassing moment was while jumping on the tramp in co-ed P.E. as my butt hit the tramp, I let one rip. (I blamed it on the popular girl in our class). Sorry, Jan!
7. I really liked Mrs. Ruble!!
8. I flirted with a peanut seller at the circus. (I bought the peanuts...I still have the old empty sack that I saved for thirty years.)(That really is pathetic.)
9. I have num chuck skills. (Okay....that one's a lie.)
10. I made my sister go on a date with a boy because his sister was my friend. (She was mean to him all night.)
11. Mom really did like me best. :)
12. I and my friend had a secret language in junior high that we could understand and no one else could. Malitchy Gablonka! (Funny, that's all I can remember now.)
13. I've actually owned 45 records, lp records, an 8-track and tapes, and a cassette player! Whooo. Whooo!
14. I have also driven a Ford Falcon and bought candy for a penny a piece!
15. I was going to name my children Jesse, Dana, and Eric Sheridan!
16. I thought money grew on trees, I was born in a barn, and life was a bowl of cherries. And even though the grass is greener on the other side....I never tried to smoke it. I realized that every dog had it's day, and that I couldn't get blood from a turnip. And I never tried to make a silk purse from a sow's ear or spit into the wind.
17. I sang songs like "Sweet and Innocent","My ding a ling", "Chewy, Chewy" and "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, Georgie Sire, and thought it was normal!
18. I listened to bands called Three Dog Night (okay, I don't get it), singing about a bullfrog named Jeremiah, Creedence Clearwater Revival, talking about a Bad Moon on the Rise, and the Doobie Brothers. (Okay, now I know what a doobie is....then I didn't.) Seriously.
19. I ate Crispy Critters, Whip and Chill, and Shake and Bake....and I helped!
20. And I never really ever watched The Exorcist, because I plugged my ears, closed my eyes, and sang really loud so I couldn't hear it.
21. The dirtiest word I ever said was my last name :)
22. I got a ventriloquest dummy one year for Christmas....jeez I asked for stupid Christmas presents. Jeanne got a snow cone maker....I got a microsope. Jeanne got an easy bake oven...I got a rock......
23. Lawrence Welk had a singer that looked like a chicken's butt, puckering up to poop. (Okay, that was what my bald headed grandpa used to say.) If you ever watch Lawrence'll recognize him from his "O" shaped lips.
24. My candy grandma tried to make me touch a dead person in their coffin....I refused...then she tried to make my little that was crossing the line, and I put an end to that! In other words, I can stick up for myself when I have to, but I can defend others pretty viciously if I need to.
25. I once rode a roller coaster, because I had a crush on the carnival worker....circus workers, carnies...what does that say about me....Oh, jobbies, too.
26. Billy Graham used to scare the heck out of me...Now Hillary does!
27. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times described my junior high days.
28. I used to be able to wrap my legs around my I can wrap my neck around my neck.
29. The viaduct was the scariest part of my childhood. Mr. Kuster and Mary Daniels were a close second.
30. Okay....I hate to admit that this one is part of the real me. I liked to look at accident sites....

This is just a few of the facts about the younger me....I hope you learned at least one thing you never knew. Meanma exposed!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Department Store Clerk from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

I was shopping at a major department store yesterday and was standing in line with one stupid item for what seemed like forever when another lane opened up and I sighed with relief.
The middle-aged lady clerk very sweetly said, "I can help you over here," so I moved to her lane and set my picture frame gently on her counter. I soon realized I had made a massive mistake....but, too late. It took her a couple of minutes to punch her name into the cash register and get it ready to go. After trying to scan it with her malfunctioning gun, she shook it a few times, then moved on to the other scanner. I thought she was pretty slow, but hey, I was the first one in line. That was my second mistake. Slow, was definately not an apt description for her. Her mouth ran a thousand miles per minute, as I would soon discover.
"Oh, my, I thought it was working," she sighed as she ran my picture frame over the scanner on the counter. She looked me in the eye, smiled sweetly, and said, "Would you like to use your (name of store) card?"
"No, thank you." I aswered politely. Can't fault a clerk for doing her job, right? Third mistake!
"You do have a (store) card?" she asked in a question.
"No," I replied, wanting just to get out of there, as my knee and legs were killing me from a day of shopping.
"Would you like to apply for one?"
"No, thank you." I replied in a slightly annoyed voice.
"You can save 20 percent off of your purchase if you would like to apply."
Who was this woman? Did she not take no for an answer.
"It only takes you a minute. I have the application right here. You can even use it as a savings card, get the discount, and pay for the purchases anyway," she kept persisting.
"That's, uhmmm, interesting," I answered.
"It's getting close to Christmas. It would sure come in handy on all your Christmas purchases. It really will save you a lot."
By now, I was seriously annoyed. I wanted to pull her flapping lip over her head and make her disappear.
"You realize you could save 20 percent on this picture frame right now if you used our card."
Good grief....she had to be making a commission off of getting applications. She was really getting pushy. My blood pressure was rising, and I wanted to run out of there, but she still held on to my picture frame as she talked. Did she think I was an idiot???? Who in their right mind would apply for a card to get 20 percent off of one item? If I wanted to do that, I would have filled my cart to the brim with items and taken the 20 percent. Just give me my stinking frame that says Live, Laugh, Love on it and let me go home! Ironically, I wasn't loving right now, and I definately wasn't laughing.
I really believe if she would have asked me one more time, I would have yelled "Are you deranged, woman? What part of no do you not understand!!!!" Instead, I gritted my teeth, nodded, and took the bag she extended to me.
"Have a nice day!" her voice trailed behind me.
I bet she never even saw the steam that spouted from my ears and I know she never heard the names I called her under my breath.
That was my final mistake!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I was watching 20/20 the other night and happened to tune in to an episode that really got my attention. It was talking about orthorexia. I had not heard of such a thing, however, it really made me sit up and listen. Orthorexia is an obsession with healthy food or a "fixation on righteous eating." When healthfood junkies progress to the point where it crowds out other activities and interests, impairs relationships, and even becomes physically dangerous, then it might be a true eating disorder. Now this concerned me a little. My daughter and son-in-law are very health conscious (which can be a good thing) but it also worried me a little. What starts out as a relatively good thing, could turn into something very dangerous. Eating healthy is a good thing, right? However, when it begins to take over your life, there could be a problem. Here are some questions that you may ask yourself to see if you are just health conscious, or may have a serious problem.

Do you wish that occasionally you could just eat, and not think about whether it's good for you? Has your diet made you socially isolated? Is it impossible to imagine going through a whole day without paying attention to your diet, and just living and loving? Does it sound beyond your ability to eat a meal prepared with love by your mother-one single meal-and not try to control what she serves you? Do you have trouble remembering that love, and joy and play and creativity are more important than food? Have you gotten your weight so low that people think you may have anorexia?

According to Dr. Steven Bratman, if you recognize yourself in these questions, you might have orthorexia.

Coming from a family that centers their life, activities, holidays, and pleasure around food, I believe there is reason to believe that food obsession could be a problem in my family. I thought I understood most of the problems associated with food. Overeating, Bulemia, Anorexia. But this one seems even scarier. How can they get "healthy" when they keep eating healthier and healthier food, until there is nothing left healthy enough to eat!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Heck with Tech!

My computer cussed at me today! Seriously, it really did. I was opening one of my documents and instead, it had my document covered with little stars, symbols, and cussy signs. It's kind of funny actually, that I work with computers everyday....I am even knowledgable enough to help others fix their little computer glitches....but today, when it spewed out it's nasty little symbols, I was clueless. I sat and stared at the screen, then figured I just had a ton load more of work to do to get everything back the way it was suppose to be. I actually laughed! My day had already started out hectic, and now my computer was telling me that it had had enough, too. I laughed then. It wasn't quite as funny when my co-worker, came down, pushed the paragraph symbol, and everything was back to normal. I felt pretty stupid, which was exactly what I think my computer wanted me to feel like! I swear, it has a mind of it's own....and if you forget to baby it once in awhile....well, it gets great pleasure in letting you know who really is boss. And it wasn't me!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Apron Strings

It's funny how God binds a mother to her child at birth and the literal umbical cord becomes symbolic of being tied to your mother's apron strings. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The invisable bond between a mother and her newborn...impossible to break, and yet, as the newborn becomes a young adult, the child demands it's severing. Something that is nearly impossible for the mother, can be done quite easily by the child, with the clip clip of the scissors. My mother use to tell me that a mother loves her children, more than her children love her, and I don't think I really believed it, until I became a mother. I know that's the way God planned it. Mothers are suppose to raise their children to make them strong and independent so that they can leave their nest and make their own lives.'s so hard......when you're the mother!
I can still remember when my children were young enough to think I was awesome! They weren't embarrassed by me when their friends came around! They thought I could do anything! Just take it to mom...she could fix it. Tell mom...she'll know what to do! They'd look at me with their big, round eyes full of love and admiration, crawl on my lap, kiss my cheek, or hug my neck, and say I love you, mommy. Yes, that lasted about .....hhmmmm....maybe 3 hours! But, a mother's pride in her children, well, somehow that lasts longer! When I hovered around them during their teenage years, things changed. Their big, round eyes, full of love, suddenly became big, rolling eyes of annoyance. the hugs became shrugged away, and their I love you's became mumbled afterthoughts of "love you, too." Somehow, those apron strings had elastisized and were stretching to the point that if they weren't severed soon, they would become giant slingshots that catapulted them into the forbidden utopia of freedomland. And they seemed to sense this. They had freedomland in their sights and there was no turning back. Now they seemed driven by the idea that mom was losing her grip on them, and they couldn't wait for that day. Now don't get me wrong...they still needed me.....(for a car, for some money, for making unpleasant phone calls when cars broke down, and don't forget, they needed their clothes washed and their bellies fed). That started to be the hard part for me. I still treated them like my baby, but I kept telling them to grow up!!! Well, that's just what they are trying to do! But a mom goes from being everything, to not being needed in a few short years, and no one ever teaches her how to deal with that. And while they are trying desparately to cut the apron strings, mom's holding on to them for dear life. She's even trying to tie them up with them! Ha! This tiny baby that she fell in love with, bathed, fed, diapered, taught, trained, laughed with, cried with, hurt with, needed her. But this college age child...well...they just didn't need her as much any more. I assume this is where a lot of midlife crisis begin.....the realization that you have lived fifty years of your life for your children and now your job is done....and you don't really know who you are, what's important to you, and what you're going to do to fill the time that you had reserved for them. It's a happy time for the's a hard time for the parent. My youngest sometimes wonders why I spend so much time and energy thinking about her love life, her relationships, and who or what she's involved with....I guess I can honestly say that I think my job as a mother will never be complete until I can turn her over to somebody else. She marries and they live happily ever after....and I'll know I did a good job. That's what I least, that's what I tell her...

Still Crazy after All These Years

Well...I guess you're never too old to learn how to blog...and I never thought my children or grandchildren would hear me admitting to it! It worries me a little to have someone ask..."What did you do today!" and I smile slyly, a little embarrassed, and tell them, "I blogged."

Heaven forbid, my pastor finds out that life after 50 can still involve an occasional blog now and then. Just the word itself conjures up all kinds of daring and provacative images of titilating adventures, and I feel a little giddy thinking that I, a 50 year old grandmother from rural Nebraska, am still capable of a good blog! So, with that said, I am going to get back up on the old bicycle, and give it a good try. Blogging, that is! After all, I'm still crazy enough to try it.....I just hope I'm not too old to remember how!