Friday, October 15, 2010

On Loan

I haven't written a blog for several weeks. I've been busy preparing for the wedding of my youngest daughter, Jill. Everything that was prepared ahead of time to get them hitched.....well, it all went off without a hitch. The bride was breathtaking, the groom was tall, dark, and handsome. The ceremony was moving. The reception was fun. The food was good. The help was exceptional. I love the in-laws.
So why, now, two weeks after the wedding am I feeling soooo sad? It seems I was well prepared for the wedding.....I just wasn't prepared to lose my baby! Now, I know the famous saying, you are not losing a daughter, you are gaining a son-in-law, is true. And that makes me happy. But, as I sit here typing this, I also know that things will never be the same again.
Never again will I trip over piles of her shoes in the middle of my living room floor or hear her rustling around in the refrigerator at midnight looking for munchies.
Never again will I lie in bed waiting to hear her car pull in and breathe a sigh of relief that God had brought her home safely once again.
Never again will I bring home that special something I purchased because it reminded me of her.
No,I won't have stray wild kittens spatting and hissing at me as I try to pull them out from behind the piano because she had let go of them in the house.
I'll now have stacks of clean towels, because there won't be someone using 3 or 4 a day.
It will now take me years to use a bottle of cream rinse.
You see, I had a very important job for many years, and it was to be a mother and raise the three little beings that God had entrusted in my care. This last one....well she has been around for awhile. It was my job to instruct her on how to live, what to do, where to go, when to go, what not to do, how often not to do it, how much to spend, what was acceptable, what was not appreciated...etc. I think you get the picture.
What if I forgot to teach her something? I didn't have enough years to tell her everything I was suppose to, did I? What if she makes mistakes? What if I can't protect her anymore? What if she gets hurt?
Thirty years ago when I had my first baby, I didn't know how to be a I don't know how to stop being one.
We live our lives raising our children for someone else. And then, we hand them over to their other half and are expected to retire from parenthood. It would be nice if they came with little tags on their big toe when they are born that reads..
On loan...please love unconditionally...sacrifice unselfishly.....give everything.....expect nothing in return.....and turn them over to someone else in 20 years or so. Please note...they will barely say thank you or goodbye for the years you've invested in them, as they happily pack up their belongings and head out the door.....this is normal. It means you did your job well. are no longer a mom!
It seems it would be nice to spend a little time just on me. Right? The problem is...I forgot who me is! I spent 30 of my 52 years being a mom or wife. It didn't seem important at the time. Now, it almost seems too late.
Empty nests! My little birdies have all flown away. I'm entering a new stage of life. Should be exciting.....Once I get use to it!