Moments with Meanma

My Father-in-Law

2011-12-27T18:35:00.000-08:00

My father-in-law is a gem of a man. This year he has witnessed his 91st Christmas. In March, he will turn 92. I was fortunate enough to get to have him over for Christmas Day dinner. I enjoyed the twinkle in his eyes as he still teased my dad! And the excitement he showed as he opened our Christmas gift of a new shirt. I watched him struggle to unsnap each of the buttons and rub his fingers against the soft material. He was determined to try it on right then and there and as Grandma Veda patiently helped him out of his old shirt and into the new, I witnessed an enduring love between the two of them. How tenderly she treated him...proving a love that had weathered sixty odd years of marriage. Four children had been born of this love and now many great grandchildren later...the love still endures. He no longer is the strong farmer/rancher I remember when I entered the family thirty-five years ago....the fraility of ninety years has taken it's toll. Hands shake and tears form easily in the corner of cloudy, distant eyes. Yet, I can still see the loving father...the providing husband....the patriotic World War II veteran...the bible believing Gideon....the proud cattle rancher....the faithful Sunday School teacher....He wore many hats in his 90 years, yet he very seldom ventured more than a hundred miles away from home.....he could toss a mean horseshoe in his day...could milk cows with fewer fingers than most (due to an accident), he was honest, a good neighbor, and would loan you the shirt off of his back. If he ever had need to borrow anything, he would return it better than he received it. His door was always open for a visiting evangelist or company on Sundays. In his day, he could work circles around men much younger than himself. He was proud of his Danish heritage and prouder still of his Lord and Savior. When Wednesdays and Sundays would roll around, you would find him in church. And that is where you would still find him if he were strong enough to attend. It is with the greatest honor and respect that I give homage to this wonderful man and patriarch. How fortunate I have been to get to know him. What a gift to us all. God bless you, Jimmie H. Raben. We love you!

10 Things I Love About Me!

2011-12-01T15:20:00.000-08:00

Okay...this may be an interesting title for a blog. It may even sound a little conceited or boastful. But I can ensure you...it is far from that. Actually, I use to have a problem with liking myself...until I met Jesus, that is. I struggled with understanding unconditional love. Everyone places conditions on our love...right? I went to a church for a very long time that beat me up with the notion that if I didn't watch my p's and q's...or hold my mouth just right....God would be displeased and boot my sorry bottom out of His presence. I tried hard to please Him....tried "doing" all the right things...but it was never done with right motives...I could never "do" enough for a "perfect holy God". I intellectually "knew Jesus" for many years...but when I really got to know Him....and the grace that He came to bring us....well, then...I fell in love with Him!!! And I learned how much He loved me! And accepted me....warts and all! WOW! After awhile, I began to see what He saw in me! I was a pretty amazing creation of His! And so are YOU! When you get a hold of that information.....it will change your life....like it has mine!!! Oh, I am not perfect...far from it....and I still need to fix a few things....but amazingly....He finds me irresistable! So...I decided to list 10 things about myself that both He and I find uniquely appealing!

1. My sense of humor! He often laughs at some of the things I say and finds me witty, funny, and creative! I appreciate that one of my gifts is my humor! I love making people laugh! And it is uniquely my own...Thank you for my amazing humor!

2. Flexibility! I may seem stressed out sometimes...but I've discovered that I do my best work when I can "go with the flow". I do it well and I thank Him for flexibility as one of my unique "Cathy" gifts.

3. My compassionate heart! I may appear to be cold and uptight on the outside....but oh...what a beautiful heart God has put in me!! Thank you, Father.

4. My generous/giving spirit! I LOVE to give gifts to people! I would say I love to lavish gifts on my family! If I had more money.....wow....I just want to give things to people! Thank you God, that you poured so much of this spirit into me.

5. The Ability to Cry! I cry so easily....but it comes from such a sensitive heart. How cleansing and freeing to not be afraid to share your emotions with others and allow them to catch a glimpse of my heart! It makes me cry just thinking about it. lol.

6. My desire to right the wrong! I have a keen desire to protect the underdog....to fight for causes....to take a stand against evil! I love that about me!!

7. My Passion! I'm passionate about everything and have an opinion about everything! I love the color red! I hate alcohol! Everything is always black or white to me! I love that God gave me passion about things! I just need to learn how to redirect some of this passion and tame down the strong opionions.

8. I'm patriotic! Somehow, I picked up the importance of country....and freedom....and our great American roots! I love America and the National Anthem and the fact that we are still "One Nation Under God". I am in awe of our military who is willing to lay down their lives for me...and my right to have freedom!

9. I Love that I see potential in Everyone....and want to bring out the best in everyone! If I can contribute to someone becoming the best that they can be...then I have met my goal on earth! Everyone has something beautiful to offer to this world...and it makes me happy when I can draw that out of people! What a wonderful gift God has given me when I get an opportunity to make this happen.

But what I most love about me is this........10. That I accepted the best gift God has ever given me.....Jesus Christ! He loves me unconditionally....He made all these wonderful traits in me...it is just my job to fine tune them and hone those traits and skills to represent Him to others in a real and untarnished way! When I abide in Him...His life flows from me in a natural way....not me trying to "do" things on my own!

And you know what? As I began listing the 10 things I love about me.....I started thinking of more than ten. I've come a long way from not even liking myself very much....to loving myself!!

Cradled in His Arms

2011-10-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

My heart has been crying this month. I want to share a very personal story with you. I've always been a pretty open person, so sharing something personal isn't that odd for me, however, I am sharing this in order to share what God is doing in my life. I am also a very emotional person, so this isn't shared without good reason. My blogs usually have some sort of spiritual message I am trying to relay, and this one is no different. In fact, it has several....I have just finished reading my daughter Gina's blog, so she has shared it, which means that I can tell my side of the story now, also, without revealing anything that she had wanted to keep to herself.
Three weeks ago, we went to visit my daughter and the family stopped to have ice cream at the Dairy Queen. She had an envelope full of pictures for me and as I was looking through them, one caught my eye in particular. It was an ultrasound picture of a tiny baby and I knew immediately that we were going to be grandparents again. Even though Gina has three wonderful daughters, a fourth child would be a welcomed addition to the family. I was excited! We hoped for a little grandson and we vocalized it to her...wouldn't it be nice to have a little boy??? We also joked with her about how "some" members of our family and even just friends and people in general were bound to make the comments about "don't you know what causes those." or "I can't believe you would want any more... to even "I hope THIS is the last one." Comments that are said without malice....however, can still hurt all the same. Fortunately, for once, I was not the voice of these comments. I was happy! I love grandchildren...and they are exceptional parents....so why should anyone care...(unfortunately....they seem to. none the less). Or at least they feel it is their right to instruct people on things that aren't really their business. Why do we do that, anyway? Why can't we make positive, encouraging comments, instead. Anyway...we had an ultrasound picture of a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat.
Friday, Gina had a regular doctor appointment and they could not detect a heartbeat....they sent her in for another ultrasound and discovered that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and there was now no heartbeat. They gave her the option of a D and C or to wait out a miscarriage. She waited until she knew I would be home and called me. We cried together and wondered why?
Saturday, Gregg and I attended a healing conference in Rapid City, SD. We have been feeling that God is leading us into ministry in the area of healing (both spiritually and physically). It was an interesting conference and we both felt we had learned some valuable information. When I got home that night, I really felt that we needed to go the next day and pray over Gina and the baby. We felt we needed to pray "life" into this little one and knew that God is able to do all things so that is what we did. Our whole family were united in this decision and we prayed for a miracle, believing that God would do this. We had God's promises and scripture that confirmed this and our faith was strong. The whole week was dedicated to believing, praying and scripture. Our faith grew stronger each day. Even though we were praying for the impossible, we believed we would receive it. I learned so much during this time....as long as she hadn't miscarried....I believed there was hope...
The next Friday, she went in for her appointment and asked for another ultrasound believing that God had given her a miracle....he really had....but not in the way we were hoping for...there was no change....no growth.....no heartbeat.
I was a little irritated with God....where was MY miracle? Why wasn't He giving us what we were having faith for? And actually....He answered me!
Our faith should not be dependent upon the results....that's right...you heard me correctly. God REQUIRES us to BELIEVE and TRUST...regardless of the outcome! and not only that, the outcome has nothing to do with your faith! The outcome belongs to God and God alone. But YOU determine what YOU do in any given circumstance regardless of the results! Our faith should look like a straight and narrow road in the valleys and on the mountaintops. It should remain level, unfaltering, no dips and no rises.....circumstances should not dictate our reactions. IN CHRIST ALONE I PUT MY TRUST....God wanted me to believe for a miracle....that is what He asks of us. To trust and believe for miracles, always. But He doesn't always respond with a miracle.
If I am going to be immersed in a ministry of healing (wounded souls and broken bodies) I would need to understand this one key thing. There will not always be a healing. But it doesn't mean you don't ask for one...EVERY TIME.
I don't know why healing doesn't happen the way we want and every time we want. But I don't need to know. God knows....and I know God. That is enough for me. I will not falter every time He doesn't answer the way I think He should. I am to do what He asks...and He asks me to step out....that's it....step out and believe for the impossible! The results are HIS.
On Saturday, Gina miscarried. How could something so tiny have affected all of our lives so much? I grew such an appreciation for people trying to have children and unable. How could they go through this once, let alone five and six times? And how cruel people's comments can be. They really don't understand.
There WAS a miracle involved in my story! The miracle was Gina's faith. It rose up when she needed it most. And it got her through a very difficult time.
Now I can't end the story without sharing something with you all that you may not like.....but I have to.
That 8 week old ultrasound picture I saw was a baby with a beating heartbeat. It was not some fetus or lump of cells, or whatever else you may call it. My heart longs to hold this grandchild that is now being held by Jesus in heaven. But, someday....I will meet him/her when they greet me in heaven at the end of my life.
Choosing to end the life of the unborn as a convenience is sin....It happens thousands of times every day throughout our country. Tiny heartbeats are stopped on purpose. Tiny cries are stilled because of lack of understanding. But if you have had an abortion....turn to Jesus for forgiveness. He loves you....and longs to cradle you in His arms just as He is holding your tiny little baby.

Our Real Enemy

2011-09-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Today has been a day of mixed emotions. It is hard to believe that ten years have past so quickly and yet the pictures of that day are hauntingly, ever present in my mind. I wanted to remember, so I went to you tube and watched some of the horrendous videos of that day forever etched in my memory. Two tall twin towers, one burning, literally melting, while the other was approached by a large jet heading straight into the tower. Then shortly after...an attack on our Pentagon. It was so shocking, I had never seen anything like it. So many lives lost, forever, in an instant. They were just going about their business in a normal way, never dreaming that it would be their last moments on earth. Their last breakfast....their last conversation with a loved one.
The feelings all came pouring back to me as I re-watched the footage. Shock, anger, sadness, fear, a flood of emotions. But the United States rose up in unity and patriotism that was unequaled. Our flag could be seen flying everywhere, declaring our unity against the unseen enemy that was attacking our homeland.
But, today, I also noticed other videos on you tube....videos that were calling 9/11 a hoax....a conspiracy....a lie. Everything from a rendition of the Bee Gees song "Staying Alive" to singing the tune with the word's changed to "9/11's a lie".
Conspiracy theories ranging from missile attacks by our own country, to alien attacks, to the plane that crashed into the trade center was a hologram!! I was shocked to say the least. But, why was I so shocked? There are many who still claim that the holocaust and the moon landing are hoaxes, frauds, fakes....and have never happened, either.
It sort of sounds like a lot of people I know...deny the obvious. Blame someone other than the real perpetrator....or worse yet, believe it doesn't involve you, so remain indifferent to it all.
Quite frankly, we all know who the real perpetrator was that day. It was Satan and his army of evil-doers, doing what he does best. Creating chaos, confusion, fear, and taking out as many humans as he could in the process.
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12.
Although our battles play out in the physical realm, the war is really spiritual in nature. There IS a supernatural realm, and there is a real battle between good and evil....truth and lies......God and the devil.
In John 10:10, Jesus tells us that "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."
And 1 Peter 5:8 adds, "Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
Satan may have used human hands on earth to do his bidding....but he is our enemy. He sets traps and snares and lies in wait to pounce on us and capture us by his deceit.
It makes me sad that some people have no trouble believing in God or heaven, but are in denial of Satan and hell. He is very real....but even though it may look as though he is winning a few battles....he has already been defeated!!! Jesus has crushed the head of the serpent...his reign of terror has an end!
Today's remembering of the events of 9/11 are a reminder of this. Stay diligent and pray that God's hedge remains around us and around America....God longs to gather you under the protective shadow of His wings as a mother hen gathers her baby chicks. Don't get so independent that you don't think you have a need of God and you become the baby chick that wanders too far away that you can't make it back under the wings of your mother when danger approaches.

The "Too" Moments

2011-09-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's 11:30 pm...I can't sleep....so I have decided to write. Ten minutes have passed and I've got nothing. I have a blank screen in front of me. It seems I also have a blank mind. I could write about how I miss the sounds of Jill's laughter echoing in my house, or Jordan begging me to play a game with him, or Gina bossing her siblings around and playing school with them. I could share how I especially miss the family meals around the table and taking my children to Sunday school and church. I still remember all of the words to the Sunday School songs I taught them, but I'm beginning to forget the sounds of their little voices singing them. I could write about how I miss arguing with them about what they can and can't wear to school. Why didn't I just let them have a little freedom? Why was everything a big deal? Why didn't I pause to look at them closer and take in every curl, dimple and smell of their childhood?
I remember saying....why don't you just grow up! Or...quit being a baby! So they did....
Every day, working at the school, I see parents so busy they don't see what is right there in front of them. They raise their children, not understanding that some day they will belong to someone else. Parents who frantically toss their children in front of television sets or video games so they can gain a few moments peace, but in the process, lose them to a world that robs them of their innocence and pushes them to grow up too fast. Parents who don't have time to teach values and manners to their children because it's just too hard and takes far too much time. Parents who love their children enough to buy them telephones and televisions in elementary school....but have no time to gather them on their laps and read a book to them. No time to teach them nursery rhymes, or take them to church.
Don't get me wrong...I'm not bashing the parents of today...they have soooo much on their plates. But I want to scream at them....SLOW DOWN! You're missing out! When your children are three....you think you'll have them with you forever...you think you'll have more time with them later....but you don't!
I remember telling them to hop down off of my lap because I was too hot and sweaty to hold them....how I wish I had those moments to do over.
You see, time has a way of subtly stealing the things that are most precious and dear away from you. And those special moments are gifts to us. But they only last two seconds. I like to call them the "too" moments, because TOO often, we miss them because we are TOO busy, TOO tired, or TOO grouchy!
We don't get "Do overs" with children. God loans them to us for a few years, and then we are left with an adult child, modeling the life he/her saw demonstrated to them in our lives.
Listen to me, parents. The best way you can love your child is to raise him to become adults that others will love and respect. Do you let them back talk you? Do you give them everything they want or let them do everything they want? Or do you help them to understand that there are consequences to their actions? Even though it may hurt you to discipline them... it will help them to become well loved and respected adults.
I've made lots of mistake raising my children...but the biggest error was not slowing down and loving them in the moments. I long for them to be little again so I can take back harsh, unloving words that I shouted at them, cutting through their little hearts. Rash words that flew out of my mouth before I could take them back. I'd give anything to take back my impatience...while their little hands tried to put on shoes quickly enough to suit me....or pick up toys just the way I demanded it. I long to kiss away little tears that I had caused because of my own selfishness. I long to walk into there bedrooms while they are sleeping and just gaze at them for an hour.
Yes, I could write about all the flowers I could have stopped and smelled...and how many picnics and stories I could have shared...about listening to the laughter and pausing for the smiles....and pondering at the wonder in their eyes....and kissing away the tears.....but....it makes me too sad.....and too lonely....and too bittersweet........................so, I won't.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

2011-08-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

We moved our youngest daughter, Jill, and her husband, Vaughn, this weekend...80 miles south of us! It has definitely been an interesting weekend!!! To start with, when we arrived at the new apartment, that was supposed to be ready for them....well....it wasn't! Imagine our surprise when we walked in and the new carpet was not finished...all the appliances were not installed....the painting and dry-walling were not complete....all the doors in the house were needing rehung....and the plumber wasn't finished. The linoleum in the kitchen was only half laid, and the counters were not finished. No one had told us it wasn't finished....the landlord had said it would be done....the contractors had a different story. The carpet layers showed up at about nine and told us they would be finished around 1:00. It was more like 3:00...then they told us we couldn't put any of the appliances in for 72 hours until the linoleum set up or it would bubble and tear. None of the other contractors showed up at all...so we at least appreciated the carpet layers coming and finishing.
It will be very nice when it is completed, but we could only pile boxes and furniture into the bedrooms, and they will be without appliances until Monday or Tuesday. We could live with that so we left them with Vaughn's parents and came home.
It had been a long day so we went to bed early. At 11:00 pm, the phone rang and it was Jill asking us where Lori and Bill's 2 duffle bags were. The last we had seen them, they were laying outside in the grass by the back door. No problem, right? Wrong....someone had stolen them and it had their cell phones, ipods, overnight clothes and medicine in it. Yeah!!! Welcome to Scottsbluff, Jill and Vaughn! You have thieves in your neighborhood!
It's sad to think there are so many dishonest people out there. But back to the story!
Church was fantastic as always....God was very close. We did a little grocery shopping, got home and had a message on our answering machine. It was Jill's voice calmly explaining that they had been in a little fender bender and needed our insurance information (the car and insurance is still in our name). It hadn't done much damage to the other lady's car, but had bent the hood pretty badly on Jill's already crappy car. Vaughn had hit his head on the steering wheel and Jill hit her head also, but both are fine....the other driver is fine....so thank God, it could have been much worse. Again...Welcome to Scottsbluff, Jill and Vaughn!
The icing on the cake was when I called Gina. Jill couldn't take her cat, Meeko, with them so Gina said she would keep it for them. Generous, right! Anyway, he got out and ran away....so bye, bye, Meeko! Welcome to Scottsbluff, Jill and Vaughn!
There was an upside to the day, though! Thank God for stupid people! The kids who stole the duffle bags were caught because they were texting with the cell phones! Yeah! So they recovered the stolen things, but they can't have them back for a month or so because they are evidence! Ha Ha Ha!
Mama said there'd be days like this.....there'd be days like this my Mama said!
And then, I realized that though this looked like a crappy, irritating day....that was really all it was! A crappy, irritating day! We need to put perspective into play and see things for what they really are.... you see, this weekend....Gregg's cousin's son was hit by a train and killed! And we stopped in our tracks in shock and sadness and prayed to our heavenly Father for forgiveness! Perspective! Jesus...please forgive us for our lack of it! Help us to realize that our really crappy days are a wonderful gift from God to teach us perspective on the really important things in life! Life is so fragile....and we have no idea how something so precious can be taken from us in an instant. Open my eyes, Lord, to what real pain is. Give me compassion for others who are going through horrific circumstances and use me to provide comfort and healing in their lives! Help me to truly understand how to use our days wisely and to bring sunshine into the lives of those we come in contact with instead of complaining about such trivial, unimportant things!

I Believe It, So It Must Be True!

2011-07-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Isn't it interesting that we all believe that whatever we believe is RIGHT? I have an opinion about everything from the color of a flower to which is the best way to put a roll of toilet paper on the holder...going over or going under. Obviously, over is the right way to do it! Ha...Gregg would disagree with me on that one. When he changes it....he always puts it under. Always having to be right is something I have struggled with my whole life. I'm finally dealing with this, although, it isn't easy. I have always been a hard core black/white, left/right, right/wrong, yes/no believer. Decisions are usually easy for me. I make the decision...and it's always the right one...even when it isn't! I know I have been wrong a couple of times....but I really can't remember when! (said tongue in cheek) I have a hard time understanding people who have no opinions (or at least keep their opinions to themselves). I am more than willing to share my opinion when asked...and more often then not, even if you don't ask! But, lately, I am becoming aware of the fact that just because I believe something...doesn't make it truth! Gasp! Is this Cathy talking? Yep! So mark my words...you may want to throw them back in my face someday!

This is especially true when dealing with the spiritual. I don't know how many times I have started a conversation with the words..."Well, I believe..." like I was stating an absolute truth! I'm still guilty of doing it....but I try to bite my tongue now and change that to say, "God's word says this."

I'm learning that it doesn't matter one iota what I THINK is true. It only matters what IS true. Proof in point, I used to believe in abortion...I was wrong! I used to believe in evolution.....I was wrong! I used to believe I was unlovable...I was wrong! I used to believe there are many ways to God....I was wrong! I used to believe a lot of lies...and waivered and hemmmhawed on what I believed! I was wrong!

Praise God, my beliefs, didn't affect the Truth!

Jesus says, "I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life! No one comes to the Father except through me." Was He lying? What do you believe? Better yet, what is the truth?

New Beginnings

2011-07-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have been in a physical slump lately...spiritually I've never been better....but physically it feels like I'm falling apart. At 53, I've lost my motivation! I've lost my passion....I've lost my ABILITY!! Ha! No, really. Physically, I've been feeling like a frumpy, overweight, middle-aged, exhausted,has been. Spiritually, I'm at an all time high, but my body is actually in rebellion to this inner strength and energy I've been having. My spirit cries out to be everything I was meant to be and my body falls asleep in my chair. My spirit tries to motivate me to new heights and my body drags me down to new lows. I have aches and pains in places I never even knew existed. I have pain on my pains and twinges on my hinges! The sad part is, my mental state (mind) tends to side with my body!
Gregg and I were talking on our way home from church and we decided besides the obvious reasons for our tiredness and lack of motivation (overweight, age, etc.), we tend to believe one of the reasons for our lack of motivation is no vision! Our last child left the nest in October, but is now moving to another city and starting her career. My babies are all on their own! I've done my job the best I knew how and hopefully it was good enough. There is nothing left to do on the parent scale. We are cut loose....free....on our own....back to two! And while we love each other dearly...we're finding we're kind of boring!! Seriously, I know it's hard to believe....but it's true! We decided that we need a life!!! So, there is a lot of serious talk being thrown around our house lately! We're mapping a plan....discussing our dreams.....redeveloping our vision.....checking our pulses for life (and, yay, we discovered our hearts our still beating). At 53, we are not ready to lie down and play dead...even though our bodies are trying to make us do that some days! We're throwing around some interesting possibilities but in the end....our spirit is going to WIN the battle! Look out body and mind! We're going to get you under control because THE SPIRIT has great things for us to do! Our vision is getting better!! Our hearing is being fine tuned!!! Our bodies are being revitilized! Our hope has been restored! Our dreams and passions are resurrected! God is offering us new beginnings..........and we are choosing to take them. Isaiah 40:31 says, "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." And once we're soaring...we're going to help you soar, too!

Hungry, I Come to You

2011-07-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching a television preacher, Jentzen Franklin, explain how we must empty ourselves of everything to truly be able to be filled of God. I thought about how we are the vessels (jars of clay) that have been created to carry His very presence. But if that jar is already filled up with junk that I carry around with me all the time, then it is already full and He is unable to pour His presence into my container. If we are already "full of ourselves" then He will set us aside and look for empty containers that are able to hold His presence. Jesus continually seeks out empty vessels.
I came to the conclusion that part of our problem with being full has to do with our attitude toward church. You see....even though Sunday is really the first day of the week, we tend to look at it as the last day of the week. In other words, by the time we finally go to church on Sunday....it is like the end of our week, not the beginning. We come in filled to the brim with a long work week, exhauseted, full of emotions, squeezing in any spare time we have, IF we even go to church at all. We are so filled up with junk and crud from the past week that we have nothing left to give God. But maybe, if we looked at it differently, we would see Sunday as the first day of our week....a time to go to His house and dump ourselves out at the feet of Jesus, emptying our container for a fresh new week. That way, Christ could fill us up fresh again and send us back out into a hurting world, full of Him instead of our own "stuff".
I noticed that when we go to church empty and longing to be filled, worship will be a refreshing drink to our dry, thirsty souls. Christ poured himself out for us....maybe it's time we spilled ourselves out for Him.
A couple of worship songs help give us the idea of what true worship looks like: "Hungry, I come to you for I know You satisfy. I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry."
And what about "Here, before Your altar I am letting go of all I've built. Of every motive, every burden, everything that's in myself...."
The key to having Jesus' presence fill you, is to empty yourself. Let go of all that you know, come hungry...pour yourself out so you can carry the very presence of the King.

While You Were Sleeping

2011-06-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

I try to stay away from controversial subjects that may be misconstrued by the reader or hurt someone I know and love. But there comes a time that if we don't take a stand on some things, then we are in big trouble. The headlines today are plastered all over about the state of New York legalizing gay marriages. I find it a very sad day in United States history. In fact, I discovered, it is actually the 6th state to legalize it. Seriously....what is happening to us as a people??? I have friends that live homosexual and lesbian lifestyles and I would never wish to hurt them. But, I can not be silent on this issue. I realize I will be called a lot of things for my beliefs and none of them will be pleasant, I'm sure. But I refuse to accept this as a good thing for our nation. Are we becoming so proud a nation and people that we believe we can continually spit in the face of God and have no fear of repercussions? God's Word means nothing to anyone anymore. Who do we think we are?
Casting Crowns, a contemporary Christian band, says a lot in it's song "While You Were Sleeping". The following words should haunt us. "United States of America, will we go down in history as a nation with no room for it's King." As great of a nation as the United States of America is....we have pushed God out of our lives and our country and embraced a philosophy of love for self, love of sexually immorality, and utter rebellion and insubordination to our King and creator of all things. Wake up, America. It is only going to get worse. As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be in the end times. There will be a day of reckoning. Pray that He doesn't find you sleeping in your indifference.

Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear

2011-05-29T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have always been a person controlled by fear. As a small child growing up, that is how my mom kept me in line. I knew every weird and unusual horror story there ever was. BABY CHOKES TO DEATH ON OWN SOCK!!! CHILD KIDNAPPED FROM OWN FRONT LAWN!!! COUPLE KILLED WHEN PLANE CRASHES INTO THEIR BEDROOM WHILE THEY WERE SLEEPING!!!
Fear has been no stranger to me. In fact, it was almost my friend. I never really had to set goals or desire much....fear kept any form of dreams in check. Go to college??? Too many scary uncertainties. Move away??? Not even a possibility. Travel?? Ha! Are you kidding?? Life for me was very limited...I needed to keep safe and alive....that was the goal. No risks! I was kept in the bondage of fear without any physical chains holding me in place. Only invisible chains of fear could anchor me to a spot indefinitely.
My sister dealt with it all a different way! I don't believe she was as paralyzed by fear as I was, but she was determined that NOTHING was standing in her way! If fear arose in her....she would do the exact thing she was afraid of just to prove she could! She was not about to allow fear to control her. She loves to travel and ride amusement park rides. She goes to scary places and does scary things. She looks fear in the eye and dares it to stop her! Fear shrinks when Jeanne looks it in the eye!
I have tried to face my fears a few times....I absolutely vowed I would walk across the Royal Gorge Bridge.....(until I got there). I could hardly make it to the first pillar and decided it wasn't worth the anxiety it caused me when I really didn't need to walk across it anyway. So I stayed put relaxing on the patio until my family walked across and back.
Why am I writing a blog on fear anyway? I think I want everyone to know that with Jesus Christ in your life...fear just sort of starts to go away and peace comes in it's place. I'm a perfect example of this. My baby steps toward freedom are becoming giant steps.
There have been a few turning points in the right direction for me, but when my friend's daughter died of cancer, I started to heal of my own cancer of fear. I began to see the fragility and briefness of life. And how sad it is to waste even a moment of this precious gift of life in fear. I began setting goals and making plans. I decided that I would step out and do one of the things I had wanted to do for a very long time....go to Branson, Missouri.
Now this may not seem like a very big goal to you....but for me it was pretty huge. There are a lot of fears and worries involved there. Fear of spending money, driving through big Kansas City on the interstate (which I hate), unknown places and planning, being away from home for too long... (sounds dreadfully fearful...doesn't it?) But for me, well it was! And guess what??? I survived quite nicely, I might add. In fact....I had a blast!! So much fun and good times!
Now let me tell you....I had to ride over bridges spanning high flooding water, ride on winding, curvy roads high in the Ozarks, drive at speeds on interstate that I don't like, cramped in the backseat of a car for 15 hours. I faced a gigantic boa constrictor two feet from me in a magician's show, floods and tornadoes. I spent time in a Walmart back hallway when two tornadoes were heading our way. We spent several hours surrounded by tornadoes in Kansas City that were churning their way around us like we were in the eye of a hurricane. And if that isn't enough....I was in a car with a hungry, dieting Jeanne for 17 hours solid (okay..sorry Jeanne).
I guess the point is this......I really wasn't all that afraid during any of it. God's peace is an amazing thing. "Perfect love casteth out fear" and God is love....so when God is your peace there is nothing to fear! The things I was afraid of were all still skulking around me trying to strike fear in my heart....they didn't go away, in fact, they grew worse. Satan is still like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. One of my greatest fears (tornadoes) was the thing he used to try to strike fear in my heart. But...greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world." God provides a peace that passes all understanding. I had viewed what an F5 tornado had just done in Joplin, Missouri...75 miles away....but God placed us in the eye of the storm, safe and sheltered. I think I began to realize that death is the only real thing Satan has to try and put fear in our hearts....but with the Lord as your shepherd....death has no sting! We, as Christians, have no need to fear even death itself...
I don't know that I will ever go sky diving or bungee jumping....but, hey, that Alaskan Cruise is looking better all the time.

The Great May Basket Competition

2011-04-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

Although the history of May Day is seeped in pagan rituals and tradition, growing up as a child, it had only one purpose....May baskets and kisses! What an interesting little tradition. Whoever thought up the whole premise was pretty creative.
Each year, as May 1st approached, every mother and child would sit down at the dining room table and begin to create these wonderful things. Usually, you would start with Dixie cups or butter tubs, or cupcake holders. Pipe cleaners would be poked through the upper rim of the cup to form a handle, and lace, ribbon, magic markers, and other fancy gee gaws would be used to decorate the basket. The size and elaborateness of each basket was determined by the recipient. If it happened to be that special someone in 3rd or 4th grade....well, you did your best to make it stand out among the rest. My mom usually made me make one for everyone in my class, which amounted to at least twenty little baskets. Popcorn and candy corn were used as fillers with tootsie rolls, m & m's, and other tasty delights. I personally hated it when someone threw in some boston baked beans (those wrinkly hard rust-colored candies that only grandmothers liked). A little name tag was added to make sure you delivered them to the right person. When May first arrived, you would come home right after school and your mom and dad would load you and the baskets up in the car to be delivered. The tricky part was to keep them all from tipping over and spilling their contents all over the place. Muffin tins were especially handy to keep the little boogers from tipping over and creating a domino effect.
Now the part I haven't told you is that you would take the may basket, place it on the porch next to the door and knock. Then you ran like crazy back to the car...the reason being was that if the recipient caught you....they were to give you a big juicy kiss!!! Remember....I said my mom made me deliver them to everyone in my grade...you know....there is just some people in your class that you're not to crazy about receiving a big sloppy kiss on the cheek from!!
The feelings of anxiety are returning even now as I'm writing this. Okay...Dad would stop the little blue falcon in front of my classmates house....I would carefully pick out the may basket inching my way out of the car wondering why in the world would anyone want to be doing this right now. Dad tried to park on the same side of the street so I wouldn't come darting out across traffic and get myself killed in the process. I'd creep up to their front doors dreading steps of any kind....they made for a harder getaway. All eyes were on you as you'd bend over to place the basket somewhere where it wouldn't get knocked over in the process of the recipient dashing out of their door sending it flying, or kicking it over in the hullabaloo. Most of the time, they were spying out of their windows and were well aware that you were approaching with goodies. The door would open and I would let out a terrified scream and drop the basket anyway...stumbling down the stairs or twisting my ankle in a hole in the lawn. I wish I had a picture of my face during one of those chases. Most of the time, the recipient wouldn't chase you very far, but would return to pick up the offering you had left. Those were the good times. At other times, they would pursue me clear to the car, and my dad, thinking it was funny, would lock the car doors and let them chase me around the car and catch me, planting a slobbery kiss on my cheek! I can still hear his laughter as I would scream, "Dad...open the door. Let me in!" And finally, it would open and on to the next house we would go. It wasn't anything to get back home and have ten or fifteen baskets on your porch waiting for you when you returned. Some creative mothers would have giant tootsie rolls wrapped in a colorful napkin with the corners drawn up and a curly ribbon attached...no chance of tipping those critters over!
Anyway...my story continues in an unusual way. This one particular year, I had delivered a may basket to my cousin, Debbie. Well, when her dad got home, he asked her where she got that may basket. Debbie told him from me. Well, he was a little snockered, so he said, "He'd be darned if we were going to show him up." So he sent Debbie to the store and had here get a bunch of 5 cent candy bars. (This is the equivalent to our $1.00 candy bars today.) He helped her fix up a huge may basket filled with those candy bars and delivered them to me. That is all it took......the competition was on!!! The next may day, my dad had my mom make a gigantic cookie (like a double batch of cookie dough that filled a whole cookie sheet and delivered it to Uncle Milton. Not to be out done, he retaliated with something bigger and better. The next year, my dad fixed a huge brown box the size of a coffee table, and filled it with popcorn, candy and beer. Uncle Milton responded with something bigger and better. (I can't remember everything, but this went on for several years until my mother said enough was enough! They couldn't afford to keep this up. They let Uncle Milton think he had won and the competition ended. Unfortunately, so did the may basket tradition. Either, that, or we just got too old to do it anymore. I'm not really sure. It could also, have been the terror it struck in our hearts to hear the sound of a screen door opening and the pitter patter of two feet chasing you down the stairs, and two big lips puckered up to lay one on you! But, more than likely, it had something to do with working mothers and the price of candy!!!!!

What's in a Name?

2011-03-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

I was doing some bible reading and wanted to share a verse that shouted out at me. It is found in Acts 3 just after Peter and John had spoken to the lame man saying, "In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." When the man jumped to his feet and started walking, jumping and praising God, the people were amazed at what had happened to him for they knew he was the same man who had begged at the temple gate. Peter's words to them were interesting. Starting in verse 12 Peter says to them. "Men of Israel, Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our fathers, has glorified his servant Jesus." Now this is where the verse started to shout at me...."YOU handed him over to be killed, and YOU disowned him before Pilate, though he had decided to let him go. YOU disowned the Holy and Righteous One and asked that a murderer be released to you. YOU killed the author of life, but God raised him from the dead. We are witnesses of this. By faith in the NAME of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. IT IS JESUS' NAME and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see." Later in Chapter 4 verse 10 it also states, "It is by the NAME of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you completely healed." And in verse 12: Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other NAME under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."
From the moment of His birth in a stable, HIS NAME, was different. Matthew 1:21 the angel tells Joseph, "She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."
Philippians 2:9-11: Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the NAME that is above every NAME, that at the NAME of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father."
Even if you have never read the bible or know any of the verses above, it still seems like people recognize something different about that name. His name creates interesting responses in people.
Some find the need to use His name as a curse word. It spews from their mouths as a bad habit. We don't say your name as a curse word....but His name has become one.
People have no problem believing in God. After all...God can be any thing to anybody. If we say we believe in God....it can mean a big something in the cosmic universe, or we can all think we have something in common....Muslims believe in God, Buddhists have their gods...(So let's all embrace this universal god and sing Kumbayah).
But nothing stirs up debate and anger like the name Jesus Christ. A blood shedding God who died on a cross for sins that no one even believes that they have. A Jesus who is so brazen He claims to BE GOD. No, Jesus is a controversial God and people don't know how to respond to it. So we murdered him....just like Peter said.
The NAME of Jesus caused the crowd to shout, "Crucify Him. Release Barabbas to us. We have no King!"
We are free to talk religion with others....just don't bring up the NAME of JESUS. Jesus, Jesus....there is just something about that NAME.
Proverbs 22:1 says "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."
If you claim to be a "Christian" you are carrying the name of Jesus with you everywhere you go. You married yourself to Him and have taken His NAME.
Don't think for once, that people will be impressed that you identify yourself with HIM. They despise HIS name.
2 Timothy 3: 12 states, "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."
Are you willing to have your name linked with HIS NAME????
Jesus himself says in Revelation 22: 12: "Behold! I am coming soon! My reward is with me and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."
So.....What's in a NAME???? If the NAME is JESUS......Everything!!

Happy Birthday, Gregg

2011-03-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

Today is my husband's 53rd birthday! It passed without any fanfare, celebration or good wishes. I gave him a card and wished him happy birthday the minute I woke up, but in the business of life....that's it...Later, after supper, I realized that none of the kids had called....I asked him if it bothered him and he said, "Life is too short to get worked up about something like that." But it bothered ME. Let me explain...
My husband has always had to share his birthday. Gregg was born on his dad's birthday. When he was little, it was probably a nice thing. Two birthday cakes, shared parties, happy times.
But, I guess, I've always thought birthdays should be a little special. You deserve one day a year to feel like a king. I always felt sorry for kids whose birthdays landed on holidays...Christmas, Thanksgiving, even Valentine's Day when everyone else got to celebrate, too. I was always really glad that I had my day to myself. I like being the center of attention. Gregg, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind. I guess it makes it easier to just pass through the day without giving some love, thought and attention to him. But it doesn't make it right.
Then in 1978, he married me....and guess what? My mom's birthday is on the day before his. Yeah! Now the attention is spent on her the day before, and again...no special day for Gregg! And because he doesn't seem to care, we always celebrate her birthday....with his as an afterthought.
Tonight, as I thought about the injustice of shared birthdays (okay, injustice sounds a bit harsh, however, any way you look at it, it still sucks) it made me really sad. I had made birthday cake last night, invited all the family over for supper, and celebrated mom's 72nd birthday. Jordan had also brought Gregg a tie, which he opened AFTER mom had opened her gifts....AND....not even on HIS birthday, but hers. I think he might have gotten one birthday card and a couple of, "Oh, yeah, happy birthday to you, too, Gregg's". And I thought....man, that really bites!
I know love isn't determined by whether or not someone remembers your birthday, but, maybe...just maybe....we all get a little lax about putting ourselves out a little bit and thinking of others a little more than ourselves. Gregg deserves a birthday of his own and at the very least a birthday call from his own children would have been nice. I shed a couple of tears for this invisible, selfless, giving man, who everyone takes for granted and nobody much notices. I didn't even make him a peanut butter pie.
I guess what I am really spouting about is that maybe we should try harder to appreciate and love the people in our lives that do so much for us. Maybe it didn't hurt him as much as it hurt me.....and thank God life is too short to get upset over forgotten phone calls and birthday wishes....
But, I want you to know, Gregg, that I love you and think you deserve to be treated like a king....Happy Birthday, Gregg! Next year will be different!

A Child Shall Lead Them

2011-02-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

Children make me laugh. I think far to often we are trying to teach them lessons on how to grow up to be good citizens, or are often annoyed at their little oddities that we don't take time to stop and really listen to them or pause to watch them. They are full of wonder. They explore. They create. They are uninhibited. At least until adulthood squelches all of the fun right out of them and they become bitter, grouchy, negative adults like the rest of us. Seriously, they have a lot to teach us.
Like today, for instance, I had a couple of little girls stand by my counter and say, "Mrs. Raben....watch what we can do..." They then proceeded to raise their arm in the air and lick their own armpit. I have to admit....it was a feat I myself had never thought to try. It made me laugh out loud.
"Why would you want to do that?" I asked. To which they shrugged and ran off to show some other poor teacher who more than likely told them to stop doing that and not to let them catch them doing it again. Squelch!!
If you really want to know how the world functions, just stop and ask a child. You will be amazed and in awe of the answers you receive. They are full of excitement and honesty. They will ask you how come your glasses are so thick or they'll show you the most creative valentine box you have ever seen. They will guess that a great white shark is as big as their grandpa and that "No, the kid that was in trouble yesterday and was sitting in the principal's office might have looked a lot like them but in actuality it was really their older brother (even though they only have a sister.) They pray prayers that God will please take a vacuum and suck all of the cancer away...or bury it in a hole in the backyard. There eyes light up and twinkle when they bring you a cupcake on their birthday that they helped make. They tell you they are worried about their friend who has a "friend" called Mr. Lefthand who sometimes hits himself. They are eager to please you and they want to go to school even when they are sick because they don't want to ruin their perfect attendance record. They talk and interrupt the classroom because it's reading time, and they struggle at reading. And why wouldn't they struggle when too often they are trying to read stories where the children have names like Portia or Marisol and they can't remember them, let alone pronounce them.
Children are curious and they ask lots of questions and want to tell lots of stories. It's hard for them to sit and listen when they really just want to show you how to lick their armpit or ask you why there is a piece of candy on the teacher's desk and can they have it. Do you realize how difficult it is to be at school all day long when you have a brand new puppy at home waiting for you?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, children are amazing! Talk to them. They have a lot to teach you. Mostly.....how to live......and how to love, ...and how to laugh.

Jesus Freak

2011-02-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

I looked the word "freak" up in the dictionary. I used to think the term was derogatory, even insulting. If someone called me a freak....I definitely would have been perturbed. A "freak" was something "odd". Now I actually sort of see the word as something positive. Let me explain.
The dictionary definition says,"strikingly unusual person, animal, or plant that appears to be unique or occurs very rarely. Exhibits a strange deviation from nature...a person who has withdrawn from normal, rational behavior and activities to pursue one interest or obsession."
Yup! That describes me...or at least who I want to be now. I used to want to "fit" in. Become part of the crowd. Disappear into the scenery and not stick out like a sore thumb. I used to be satisfied with being called a "Christian" but you know what? That word just doesn't seem to work anymore. We are now asked to check on different forms whether we are Jewish, Muslim, or Christian, like it is a nationality or something. So, anyone not a Jew or Muslim would qualify to check the box, right?? Okay....so if everyone in the United States is a Christian, not by choice, but by a check box....well, guess I'm going to have to separate myself from "the boys" and become a "man". I want to identify myself with Jesus....not a christ. The word "Christ" could actually describe any sort of a savior...Buddha could be a type of christ...The new age "maitreya" is said to be "The Christ". Guess that means just about anyone could be identified as a "Christ-ian" and sadly...are.
No, I have decided to separate myself from that vague term of "Christian" and I choose to identify myself with Jesus, THE Christ! There is only one Savior...only one way to God, and that is Jesus of Nazareth....God incarnate!
Now, I know the drill... Isn't there many ways to God? Isn't it judgmental to believe Jesus is the only way? How conceited is that? I guess that is why I am a Jesus "Freak". I chose to "deviate" from the path of all inclusiveness and believe "The Holy Bible", God's own word....The TRUTH!
I was thinking how it isn't really all that hard to be a "Christ-ian" in this day and age. But it is really the name of Jesus that stirs up and causes all of the controversy. There is power in the name of Jesus...and believe me, if you start becoming a "Jesus Freak" you will probably begin to stir up a lot of heated discussions.
I'm starting to wish I was a pastor....and I'll tell you why. People know where you stand! They expect you to be all bibly (is that a word?), they are not shocked if you "talk the talk and walk the walk". After all, you should, right? They aren't quite as offended to hear the name Jesus in normal conversations...after all, that is your job as a pastor. But, here is my point....how can I not talk about the one thing that is my passion to everyone I come in contact with. If you love golf....you talk about it. If you love football...you talk about it. Well, guess what...world? I LOVE JESUS!! And I'm falling more and more in love with Him everyday! That's why I'm warning everyone....JESUS IS MY PASSION! I can't contain it any longer! I want to scream it from the rooftops.
So, I'm choosing to become a "Jesus Freak". Freaks are usually rejected, and I imagine I will be, too. But now, I won't consider it such a bad thing.
Let me challenge you. Freaks are radical! They withdraw from the normal and rational behavior and activities to pursue their obsession. Maybe, you should make Jesus the object of your obsession and join me...what would people do if they labeled you a Jesus Freak!

January--The Month of My Discontentment

2011-01-20T04:28:00.000-08:00

January brings with it a cold, wintery attitude that I have always disliked. It makes you rethink and analyze. It makes you restless and discontent. It brings with it the ugly reality of fleeting time and impending taxes.
I have never cared for January. It is a long month of cold, icy moments. I'm not your typically depressed sort of person, although I do tend toward pessimism and negativity, however, January is the month where I battle my mind...I have to fight to keep upbeat and there are moments when I just lose it. All of the ugly tendencies I've buried resurface and make their appearance in January.
January is like a fickle, nagging woman. She exists to make your life miserable. And to challenge the perimeters of your sanity.
December for me is an exciting month. As you all know, I LOVE Christmas. You spend the time with your families...It's a good month for me. I know that isn't always the case for many, and December can be the bad month for a lot of people. But not for me. Then, in blows January, challenging you to quit eating, get healthy, save money, change your bad habits, etc....and I am presented, once again with the opportunity to fail! Laugh out loud! Okay...it should be seen as a time of new beginnings and new opportunities...which again makes me crazy. January asks too many questions and snoops into your private personal life. What AM I supposed to be doing with my life. Questions of wondering....Does my life count for anything important in the scheme of things?? Why do I replace my deep inner emotions with food? Why do I overspend? I want to make a difference, but too often, January reminds me of how very little I have changed in the last year, and laughs at me for being idealistic in my thinking. She taunts me and goads me like she's human. I want to slap January right across her unforgiving face and yell at her to leave me alone! Just when I think, I can't handle January anymore....I get a reprieve....and in rushes February.....the month of LOVE and embraces me in it's arms, promising me that spring will soon be arriving if I can endure a little bit longer.
Then I realize....that even though I dislike January so much, she is needed for my inner growth and OH, how I appreciate February so much more! And the cycle of the four seasons and the cycle of life has come full circle once again....as a reassurance of the faithfulness of the Creator who reminds us that although everything changes......everything also stays the same! Winter, spring, summer, and fall......the Lord God made them all. And even if January is a cold, frigid broad...she serves a purpose. I just don't happen to like her very much!!!!!

Don't You Wish You Had the Answers??

2011-01-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

It's early morning...a quiet time to meditate and ponder the complications of life. I have just received one of the biggest miracles in my life and within days have once again been dashed against the rocks and beat up with more bad news. And like always, I fall back in to shouting out the same question I shout every time I am in the same circumstance. WHY! My contemplations have lead me to no real conclusions or answers. It actually just leads to more questions..Life is a puzzle to which we can not begin to have all the pieces without the One who holds the last piece. Life is like a series of doors that can never be opened without the One who holds the keys to ALL doors. Life is a complicated series of problems that can never be solved without the One who holds all the solutions. Just when you think you have managed to figure out or control the things around you....chaos breaks out and once again you are filled with the question, WHY? As the song says...Life is a dance you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead...sometimes you follow. I like that phrase. I sometimes wonder how people without God and without hope get by in this world. If everyday life slaps them up along side the head the way it does sometimes, how do they appreciate the wake up call?? So often, we are just sleepwalking through life. But as long as the waters are smooth sailing, we don't seem to mind that we are not really awake. Then when the sea gets bumpy and the bottom falls out, the storms swirl around us,....Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, Oh MY! We always wake up with a splash of cold water in our face, believing that we, of all people did not deserve that! Where do we get the idea that life owes us? Life is not an ironed out, bump free, happily ever after, it's all about me, fairytale. Life is a gift we were entrusted with...it's our story that has been written out, a play on the stage of life....and it's not at all about the storyline....but it's about how we play it out. Life is precious and fragile. It is tough and harsh. It is mountains and valleys. It's an awful lot like bull riding.... an 8 second, exhilarating, gut wrenching, white knuckled, ride in the scheme of eternity.
But I've learned, mostly, that life is a test....and too often we fail it...because we never learn how to embrace it. To grab on to it's hairy main and hang on for all we are worth! And it's about embracing all of it. The good, bad and ugly. The hellos and the goodbyes. The heartache and tears, the joy and the wonder of it all. We struggle and get so caught up in the individual acts of the play that we lose sight of the underlining message. We are a part of a larger story. A play within a play! "The bigger picture". Our job is to embrace the lines we've been given, play the cards we've been dealt, ride the bull that we've drawn....and our heart attitudes, countenance, mind sets, and actions will determine whether or not we have passed the test! Are you failing your pop quizzes so that it will be impossible to pass the big test? I don't know why bad things happened to good people.....I don't have the answers to all of life's hard questions. But I know the One who does. And someday I'll ask Him. In the meantime, we don't really need to have all the pat answers to life's curve balls. We just need to crawl up on LIFE's back, hold onto our hat......and stay on for our 8 seconds!

Sarah, God's Special Gift To Me

2010-12-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

I've always loved my daughter-in-law...she's always been an amazing person. Her beauty is evident to all both externally and internally. But today...I do believe I saw her in a new light! Let me tell you a little about her.
I've actually had the privilege of knowing Sarah since the time she was 15...and over the years I have come to know what a special person she really is. She is strong and courageous...she is a wonderful mother and sister and aunt! I am not always the easiest mother-in-law to get along with but Sarah has always endured my shortcomings with patience, love, and understanding. I contribute most of her wonderful attributes to being raised by wonderful parents who loved her and taught her the right things. And God blessed her with the attributes she needed to become this beautiful, radiant angel I witnessed singing in church today! She glowed as she praised and worshiped God with her gift of a beautiful voice. I sat amazed that I was indeed fortunate enough to have her as my daughter-in-law.....this beautiful woman of God, blessing those around her with her quiet, peaceful spirit.
It has indeed been an honor to witness the young 15 year old I first met, mature into this breathtaking woman of God, radiating confidence, boldness and maturity, where once there was little. Becoming a mother at seventeen would take it's toll on most teenagers I know, but Sarah did everything right. It wasn't always easy and there were a lot of sacrifices she made for someone so young, which indicated her inner strength was always one of her finest attributes.
You would think that finding yourself pregnant and unwed at the age of 17 would not be something in God's plan....right? Don't be so sure! I am reminded of another special woman of the Bible who experienced some of the same things that Sarah endured, also.
But even when we think we have messed up, God takes our brokenness and makes glorious masterpieces out of things that we never even think can be mended. Our son becoming a daddy and husband at 19 would never have been the path his father or I would have chosen for him. But praise God, we aren't the ones in charge of our paths. God is! It was hard for everyone,of course, but especially for Jordan and Sarah. But I have seen so many amazing things because of God's grace and love that He poured out onto our families during this time.
If I could have personally lined up every girl in the world to choose the perfect wife for my son....I would have picked Sarah! How I was blessed enough to become her mother-in-law.....I'll never know....but I thank God every day for her. I don't think I have ever heard an unkind word come out of her mouth. She believes the best about everyone. She gives of herself to anyone who has need. She is truly an amazing person. I love her so much! I love her for loving my son. I love her for giving me my grandchildren. I love her for her unconditional way of loving me.
Sarah.....you are a Special Gift from God to this earth! How lucky and blessed I am!

My Bucket List (At least for Today)

2010-12-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

I am an anally responsible person! So it may amaze and amuse you as to what my "bucket list" would consist of. Let it be known here and now that I will probably never accomplish anything on this list.....but I can dream can't I?

1. Tear the tag off of the mattress.
2. Sleep in until noon.
3. Feed the animals in the zoo cage that has a sign "Please Do Not Feed the Animals!"
4. Stick gum on the bottom of my desk.
5. Throw a banana peel out of my car window while driving down the highway.
6. Take the free coffee from the hotel room.
7. Text at the dinner table, in church, or while at work.
8. Cuss out loud at a preacher.
9. Hang up on a telemarketer.
10. Wind the clock backwards.
11. Leave the batteries in the toy until they drip acid on everything.
12. Bounce a check.
13. Roller skate in a buffalo herd.
14. Spit into the wind.
15. Leave the bread wrapper opened.
16. Lick a flag pole.
17. Sit down during the Pledge of Allegiance.
18. Wash my whites with something red.
19. Eat my dessert first.
20. Leave the cap off the toothpaste.
21 Drive 30 in a 25 mph zone.

Well, there you have it. Seems possible....for a normal person. Yeah...Right.

On Loan

2010-10-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a blog for several weeks. I've been busy preparing for the wedding of my youngest daughter, Jill. Everything that was prepared ahead of time to get them hitched.....well, it all went off without a hitch. The bride was breathtaking, the groom was tall, dark, and handsome. The ceremony was moving. The reception was fun. The food was good. The help was exceptional. I love the in-laws.
So why, now, two weeks after the wedding am I feeling soooo sad? It seems I was well prepared for the wedding.....I just wasn't prepared to lose my baby! Now, I know the famous saying, you are not losing a daughter, you are gaining a son-in-law, is true. And that makes me happy. But, as I sit here typing this, I also know that things will never be the same again.
Never again will I trip over piles of her shoes in the middle of my living room floor or hear her rustling around in the refrigerator at midnight looking for munchies.
Never again will I lie in bed waiting to hear her car pull in and breathe a sigh of relief that God had brought her home safely once again.
Never again will I bring home that special something I purchased because it reminded me of her.
No,I won't have stray wild kittens spatting and hissing at me as I try to pull them out from behind the piano because she had let go of them in the house.
I'll now have stacks of clean towels, because there won't be someone using 3 or 4 a day.
It will now take me years to use a bottle of cream rinse.
You see, I had a very important job for many years, and it was to be a mother and raise the three little beings that God had entrusted in my care. This last one....well she has been around for awhile. It was my job to instruct her on how to live, what to do, where to go, when to go, what not to do, how often not to do it, how much to spend, what was acceptable, what was not appreciated...etc. I think you get the picture.
What if I forgot to teach her something? I didn't have enough years to tell her everything I was suppose to, did I? What if she makes mistakes? What if I can't protect her anymore? What if she gets hurt?
Thirty years ago when I had my first baby, I didn't know how to be a mother.....now I don't know how to stop being one.
We live our lives raising our children for someone else. And then, we hand them over to their other half and are expected to retire from parenthood. It would be nice if they came with little tags on their big toe when they are born that reads..
On loan...please love unconditionally...sacrifice unselfishly.....give everything.....expect nothing in return.....and turn them over to someone else in 20 years or so. Please note...they will barely say thank you or goodbye for the years you've invested in them, as they happily pack up their belongings and head out the door.....this is normal. It means you did your job well. Relax...you are no longer a mom!
It seems it would be nice to spend a little time just on me. Right? The problem is...I forgot who me is! I spent 30 of my 52 years being a mom or wife. It didn't seem important at the time. Now, it almost seems too late.
Empty nests! My little birdies have all flown away. I'm entering a new stage of life. Should be exciting.....Once I get use to it!

My Son-in-Law, Russ

2010-09-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the second person I have chosen to write about on my blog is my son-in-law, Russ. When I was thinking about all of my favorite people that I would be writing about, Russ was the one that I knew would be the one I wanted to write about next. Russ is a diamond in the son-in-laws of life. If I could have hand picked my daughter's husband, he would have been everything I would have chosen for her, and then some.
I remember the first time I met Russ. My daughter had invited us over to her house in Chadron, and Russ was coming over to cook for us. He was an amazing young man. He had prepared a whole meal for all of us that consisted of Teriyaki Grilled Chicken and Rice...wait, it might have been chicken alfredo! He is a great cook, and we have had both prepared by his hands. Anyhow, it was delicious! I could tell he was a special person by the way he treated everyone, especially Gina. I do believe he is one of the most considerate and thoughtful people I have ever met. Russ has a way of recognizing and meeting people's needs before you even realize you need it.
I remember the first time I saw him standing at that kitchen stove , I thought he looked a lot like a young Jesus with short cut hair and neatly trimmed beard. Later, I was to find out that he had a lot of the qualities that I would expect Jesus himself to have. There was a calm peace about him. Very confident, kind, and caring.
I remember one of the stories Gina had told us that gave me a little insight into the sort of person he is.
She told me that she always liked having a little candy once in awhile and not long after they had been dating, she had went to put on her coat that had been hanging in the hall. When she reached inside the pockets, she felt something in there. She pulled out candy. He had placed candy in her coat pockets as a surprise...which was one of the most romantic things to me. He knew what she liked, and had made a special effort to let her know that he was thinking about her and her needs.
Thinking back, we must have been an overwhelming sort of family to become a part of, when his personality is so quiet and calm. My whole family tends to be loud, pushy, conversation stealers and interrupters! But Russ remains gracious and loving toward us and I genuinely appreciate that.
Russ has a keen sense of humor. He is very witty and enjoys deeper, more intellectual humor. It amazes me how he and Gina will share that knowing glance of an inside joke and understand immediately what each other is thinking about.
I didn't always make life easy for Russ, and I still don't for that matter, but I want him to know that I love him so much and feel so blessed and lucky to have him as part of our family.
He is an amazing husband and father! Actually, he should be nominated for the father of the year award, because he is phenomenal with his three little girls and they think he is the greatest thing since ice cream! You can tell how loved they feel and that they are secure in that love.
Russ is a man of character and integrity. He is an excellent provider and is honest and trustworthy. God truly has placed some wonderful people in our family, and our son-in-law is one of the best!
Russ, we love you! Thank you for accepting us. You are an amazing person and I can't wait to see what the future holds for you. Thank you for falling in love with my daughter and becoming a part of our family!

My Son, My Hero

2010-09-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

Over the next few weeks, I have decided to share with you about some of my favorite people in the world...and I can't think of a better person to start with than my son, Jordan.
From the moment the little rascal was born, I could tell that he was going to be someone special. He came out shriveled and red, howling like a banshee, announcing his presence to the world in a great big voice, and I knew from that moment on my life would never be the same again. I've never been disappointed!
Jordan is my Sanguine child. If you have never studied the four basic personality traits, you should. It is quite enlightening and would definitely help you to understand people a little more gracefully. Sanguines LOVE fun. Life is exciting and they enjoy it. Jordan enjoys a good time whether it is on the golf course, playing cards, or his witty, amazing sense of humor! He gets along well with people and enjoys making them laugh.
Jordan has a heart of gold and is a very generous person. On a spiritual level, he is tuned in to the misfortunes of others and has a compassion for them. He is my one child who I feel I could count on to come through for you in a tough situation. He would be there for you, even when it would make him uncomfortable. He is my child I will call "The Defender and Protector of Hearts!"
Jordan has always had a love for animals. And growing up on a farm, there were plenty of those around. I remember his first real test of proving his manhood. He was about nine or ten and he went out to discover that one of his favorite pets had died. Like a man, he went out with a shovel and dug a hole to bury it. He told his dad, "I had to bury it, dad, I couldn't let Jill (his little sister) go out there and find it laying there dead." Even then, he was protecting the hearts of others.
Jordan was a short, stocky little powerhouse. But, there was one thing for sure that he was afraid of. The mean rooster. We lived next door to his grandparents and you would have to cross the driveway to go visit them. Invariably, that mean rooster knew when he would be heading over there. Jordan would take off running as fast as his fat, little legs could carry him with that rooster dead on his heals, jumping up on his back and spurring him. Jordan would be screaming and hollering all the way until one of us would have to go out there and knock that rooster off.
I remember the time Jordan got mad at me and packed up his little suitcase and said he was leaving. By suppertime he was back home, everything forgiven. Then there was the time he mowed a big heart in the lawn and the words Happy Father's Day. We still have a picture of that...Gregg had to get up into a tree to take the picture, because the heart was that big.
At the age of 19, my son became a husband and a daddy. This has proven to be one of the moments I am most proud of him. The road hasn't always been easy, but he has diligently worked at being a good provider for his family. He graduated from college when at times it may have been easier for him to drop out. His hard work and dedication has truly been an inspiration to me, and I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful son.
On Facebook the other day, Jordan made a comment about sometimes you have to go through the darkness to really appreciate the light. Jordan, you are a light in a dark world. When life gets you down, and even when it seems a little dark and dreary, I want you to know that I love you so much and YOU are my hero and bright spot in my dark times!
You are a strong and honorable man of God, an embracer of goodness and joy. You appreciate the gift of life and spread happiness with your generosity and sense of humor. You make me laugh on the outside and you make me smile on the inside. I am a very fortunate mother to have such a good son, but you also make me proud to know you as a person.
You're future's so bright.....you gotta wear shades!!!!!!!

A Call to Excellence

2010-08-22T01:46:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I wrote my last blog...I think this stems from the fact that I want my blog to really say something important. So I wait until something hits me and I go from there. Well, it is three in the morning...and something has hit me....so here goes.
Gregg and I were reading in the book of Joel today and as it was talking about the swarms of locust devouring the field, God revealed a bit of spiritual wisdom to me. It said first the swarms of locust came and devoured everything, then whatever was left was devoured by the bigger locust, whatever they left was devoured by the small locust and finally whatever was left was devoured by the "other" locust.
This summer we got a taste of what a devouring grasshopper could do. They came in and stripped the leaves off of nearly every green thing in their path. I had several peony bushes that were just getting a good start, but alas, they are all gone. Eaten to the point of no return....they died an excruciating death...Eaten alive!
At one point this summer, the whole side of my house was covered in grasshoppers, both large and small. When they moved to the fields, Gregg called me out to look across the field....the green was a funny yellowish brown color and we wondered why it looked that way only to discover that every stalk was covered with devouring grasshoppers which made them appear yellow. They dined on the stalks stripping every bit of green, killing the plants, then moved on to the next green stalk until the field was barren of life.
Then it hit me....that's what grasshoppers (locust)do! They devour life! As we read the scripture, God revealed to me that our lives and the lives of those around us are similar to the field. The seed has been planted,watered and nurtured by the worker and has sprouted up into fresh green life. Even before the fruit begins to appear, or the harvest is ready, the devourer comes to destroy it. It strips the new green leaves, leaving it to wither and dry up, sucking the life out of it.
There are so many devourers in our lives. They come in all forms of "locust". They do not wish to see us reach fruitfulness. They do not want us to see abundant life...they come to steal and destroy! They devour our life and our fruit before it reaches maturity. They leave us to wither and dry up...close to spiritual death.
Are "locusts" devouring your time? Your energy? Your money? Your spiritual fruit? In other words, are you allowing "locusts" into your life that will end up stripping you clean and leaving you fruitless and fighting for life?
The sad part I am seeing is that we don't even realize that it is destroying us until it is too late.
One area that I have especially been aware of recently is in the area of excellence. As Christians, we have been called to be ambassadors and represent the King himself, yet we allow ourselves to be fooled into a life that is ordinary instead of an "extraordinary life".
Our pastor has been preaching on this and explained to us that the difference between "ordinary" and "extraordinary" is the "extra"! Yet our lifestyles are an indication that we just don't get it! When you can't tell the difference between a follower of Jesus Christ and a non-believer...there is a problem. We are not taking the "higher" road or going the "extra" mile. We are not representing our "King" correctly. If people can't "see" the difference...then I guess there really "is no difference." The "devourer" has done his job well.
I am deeply disturbed by the fact that the younger generation of "Christians", although passionate about their belief in Jesus, so often fail to display that passion in their lifestyles. They fail to understand who they represent, and thus become "ordinary". They lack the understanding of God's holiness and the gift of His grace and see no need for the "extra" so settle for the "ordinary" which in truth is a misrepresentation of who God really is.
God's grace is a call to excellence....to "excel" in all things not the freedom to do whatever we want! We are called to a higher purpose. As ambassadors to Jesus, we are called to serve and represent Him in all areas of our life.
If I remember correctly, Satan has a motto...it is "Do What Thou Wilt." In other words, do whatever feels good, whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want. The devourer uses lies to convince you that it is all about you! He subtly leads you down paths of destruction. He knows that living for yourself will ultimately destroy you and your service to Jesus.
The only way to fight off the "locusts" is to remain in the vine, Jesus Christ. He is "the Life". and to remain in His word, The Holy Bible.
But...if the devourer can isolate you through his lies and deceit...and away from "the Truth" he will eat you alive! "Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."
Are you remaining in the vine....that will keep you alive and growing? Are you striving for excellence and being "extraordinary"? Don't settle! Jesus offers abundant life, full of new growth, and plenty of fruit for the harvest.
It's not about you....It is about representing the one who died for your sins. And make no mistake, "we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Your sin earned you death....but Jesus Christ paid the wage for you! Praise be to God!
He deserves your best....your "extra"....your "excellence"!!!

The "Heartbeat" of the Church

2010-06-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

I am often amazed, as I walk out of church on Sunday morning, how often the message is something I had just been studying or the scripture is one that I had just read sometime that week. After all, how many thousands of verses are there in the bible to be read and yet over and over again, the pastor's message will be on the same subject that Gregg and I have been discussing throughout the week. It really shouldn't be that surprising. After all, God talks to us daily about the things we need to hear or learn, to help us grow. But what does amaze me, is that He seems to be talking to the people within my circle about the same things. It's like, finally, we are all on the same page together. We all come from different places...we all have different stories...but we are finally bringing them all to the same table!
It's been a long time coming, but I believe we are finally in tune to the same heartbeat. Let me explain...I guess I see it like there is this great concert that we are all to be performing in....and we have this fantastic new tune that no one has ever heard before, so we, the fellow musicians, each bring our instrument to the concert hall, and began tuning up. We don't sound like much when we are working alone, but we each have our part to play and contribute to the making of a masterpiece. The drums don't sound all the melodious when they are played by themselves. The flutes, although quite pretty, can only make their own sound. The horns alone can be sort of boring. In order to successfully play the new song, every musician, with his own instrument, must work together...they must read the notes, that have been penciled on paper by the master composer. But even them, the key is not in the playing of the instruments together, in the right key, at the right time....No! The hauntingly beautiful music only really works if it is played with the same HEARTBEAT! This is the common denominator that must be present to make the song really work. The director takes his place on the podium, raises his baton, and leads the music out of them. And when they understand his heart and the places he wants to lead them, they don't hold back...they give him their all, and together, they perform the music exactly how the composer had dreamed. Perfection!
Like a beautiful concerto or symphony....the music is only great when everyone does his or her part.
I guess, that is how I have been seeing "the church" lately. We have the gift of a beautiful piece of music handed to the director by the composer. The director only has the written "word" to go by, but must take all of the musicians, utilize and fine-tune their skills and abilities, and produce "the heartbeat" of the composed song. How close to the composer's intent, depends so much upon the director.
God, the composer, has given us the song! We have one of the most skillful directors, Pastor D, that I have ever had the fortune to sit under! I've met the fellow musicians, and they are all equipped with their own instruments. We gather each week to fine-tune and practice the piece. It's nearly time for the concert!!! The "heartbeat" of the performance is Jesus, who's own lifeblood quickens us to abundant life.
The practice is over....the performance time has arrived! Our "heartbeat" is almost in unison! The area is about to hear and receive the composer's finest song....created by the Master....entrusted to the director.....and presented to the world by "the glorious redeemed church". Be prepared for a standing ovation!!!

Wild Thing: Living the Intentional Life

2010-05-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

"Wild thing...you make my heart sing...you make everything groovy! Wild Thing."

"Doing things on purpose"....sounds easy, doesn't it! You would think so. But lately I have been thinking about how mostly we live our daily lives habitually rather than intentionally.
Let me explain....
First, I will ask you a question. Have you ever been driving down the highway for several minutes then popped back into your own mind and wondered how in the heck you got where you are when you can't remember turning, steering, breaking for traffic, or much else, for that matter? It's like you are on automatic mode and you just do it robotically.
Well, that is what I find myself doing everyday, nearly 24 hours a day. I know...it's sad isn't it. We function on automatic and are habit driven. I get up...do the same stupid things daily...go to work...and although the tasks change somewhat, my mind just keeps on auto pilot. Back home from work and I plunk down in front of the computer or television so I don't have to think...(and although I think zombies are kind of popular right now, I really don't enjoy being one.) Shoveling food into a mouth that doesn't taste and barely takes time to chew...staring at brain dead movies that require no thought...
This is not living the way God purposed us to live. But let me tell you...being intentional takes work! You're brain has to be used...you have to make choices instead of being a creature of habit. In fact, being intentional means you HAVE to think ALL OF THE TIME!!!
Our pastor has been preaching to us about getting outside of the box. I think that this is one aspect of what he is talking about. Choices! We need to CHOOSE! I'm tired of taking the "easy" route...I'm ready to be more intentional.
So....where to start??
Today, I put my Netflix on hold! I'm going to make time for other things. I chose fruit and yogurt for lunch. I went out at six this morning and walked around my yard enjoying nature and listening to the birds. Sometimes...I choose to take a different route to get to work. When I had to shop at Walmart yesterday....I went in the opposite direction on purpose! lol. If I want chocolate, by golly, I'm going to taste it...instead of eating it without realizing I've gobbled up a one pound bag of M & M's without tasting a one! Before I answer Yes or No....I'm going to stop and pray about both answers and do what God tells me to do regardless of what people may think or say.
Okay...it might sound a little silly to you...but to me it's the beginning of the end. I have one foot over the edge of the box.....I'm escaping.....and when I get out of this stifling box.....I'm going to run free....I'm going to live the intentional life I was meant to live.
I sort of picture a wild cat being shut up in a box with the lid closed all day long and then finally someone opens the lid. WATCH OUT! That cat will come clawing and digging it's way out of that box to get loose. I am THE cat! I want out!
I have a musical button on my desk at work that when I push it, it plays Wild Thing. I'm going to push that button every morning as a sign that I'm on my way. I'm going to celebrate and embrace that wild side. It may be a little dangerous....but I really like what the author, CS Lewis says of Aslan in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Aslan is wild.
Our God is not tame, but He is a wild God! He does things that aren't expected. But He's very intentional! He's a little scary and very exciting...but, it's never dull or boring. That's how I want to live.
Intentional living.....goodbye box....hello...life! And someday...I hope someone pushes that button at my funeral....and Wild Thing starts playing to remind everybody to surrender to the "Call of the Wild" that is placed in each of our hearts....to live a little more daring and intentional for HIM!

It's Not Just For the Birds!

2010-05-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm an early riser because I'm usually at work by 7:00 am. This gives me just a little time to meditate and ponder on the things I need to accomplish in the day or to have a few moments of peace before the tranquility is shattered by the busyness of life. I really relish this time and I usually pour myself a big glass of orange juice, sit down in my chair and stare out of my picture window watching the birds enjoy their breakfast at my bird feeders. I never really thought about birds much, but as I got older, I began to understand why older people seem to enjoy them. So I guess I have also joined the ranks of an older person, because the lessons those little birds are teaching me are amazing.
Let me elaborate. If you watch birds long enough, you will begin to be able to tell them apart. They have personalities very similar to the larger two-legged species called man.
The flighty ones: they can never light in one place too long. They are skiddish when other "birds" are around and don't even seem to really be able to sit long enough to enjoy a good breakfast.
The bulles: Ah, yes. These "birds" are usually a bit larger and darker in nature than the others. They swoop in and scare all the others away, perch like they are the king of the feeder, dive bombing and pecking at all the others. They are intimidating to the littler species and know it. Half the time, they aren't even hungry, they just want to show the rest who runs the place.
The little sneakers: These little creatures hide in the branches and slowly inch their way toward the feeders. They slowly gain ground, and just when you think they might get a bite....something scares them back to the beginning and the inching ritual begins all over again.
The loud, nagging ones: They have to let everyone know they have arrived and are chatty and loud.
The teenagers: These little birds sport a white mohawk and feast under the feeders in small groups. They appear to be ADHD and definitely dance to the beat of a different drummer. They make you nervous.
The pompous male: He is brightly adorned and struts up and down the chain preening and showing off. He thinks all the women birds want him and he ruffles up and makes a spectacle of himself as the "ladies" ignore him.
The couples: There are always a few of these in the crowd. They only have eyes for each other and don't pay a whole lot of attention to anything that goes on around them.
The gluttons: These definitely enjoy a good, free buffet. They sit and eat constantly and even when they are full they carry off more to their nest.
The show-offs: These are the birds that hang upside down, walk tight wires and swing from their perches in forty mile an hour winds. It's amazing....they never fall off and they don't even have hands to hold on with.
The snobs: They grab what they need with their eyes on the sky and fly elsewhere to eat. Too good for the little people.
The annoying one: Okay...usually a woodpecker....tap, tap, taps that crazy tree until just about every bird is ready to kill him.
I guess that is just a sampling....I didn't even mention the frumpy ones, the dull ones, the crazy, suicidal ones (these usually take on the family cats), the lazy ones, or the joyous, singing ones.
By observing the different characteristics of the birds out my window, I have learned a great deal about people and the God who made them. I am amazed at His handiwork, and the bird is only one animal....look around at nature and you will discover hundreds upon thousands of intricately created little beings, all living out their lives, no matter how short or insignificant, oblivious to their surroundings, carrying out their own special purpose, created just for them, on this big, blue planet we call earth. How lucky we are to get to share it with such incredible wonders of God's creation.
How can you see these creatures and not believe in a Creator? But more importantly, how can you even begin to think that "you" are the center of this universe? Get over it! It's NOT ABOUT YOU! It's about the Master Sculptor displaying his beautiful works of art and handiwork in the museum of life for His glory and recognition. It's open all year round, 365 days a year. Take time to appreciate it in all it's majesty and magnificent splendor. Let all of creation praise His name!

Master Gardening 101

2010-05-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have never had a green thumb. It's just a fact. I love green plants, flowers, and gardens, but they don't love me. I do have a knack at killing things, however. I over water...I under water...I don't like weeding...I plant too deep...They get too much sun....or too little sun....sometimes I think they just look at me and shrivel up and die to spite me. Last week, I forgot and left one of my house plants outside and the frost killed it. It takes patience to start a little seed, baby it, nurture it, and raise it up into a fine, healthy plant that produces fruit. Physically, I just don't seem to have that gift of knowing what it takes to be a master gardener.
Recently, however, I have been asking myself whether or not I have a "spiritual" green thumb. Can I plant, nurture, and harvest spiritual fruit? Am I patient enough to plant spiritual seeds? Determined enough to pull the weeds out of my own life and the lives of others to produce the spiritual yield necessary? Do I water the dry, parched souls with life giving water? Do I plant spiritual seeds that will take root and grow into strong, healthy plants capable of bearing an abundance of fruit?
I am amazed, when I watch the Master Gardener, Jesus, at work. He take even the tiniest seed and produces abundant foliage and growth in our lives. He takes the most wilted, barren, and nearly dead hearts and like magic, right before your eyes, produces a bouquet of blooms and blossoms that you never imagined could be replicated. He surprises you with beauty and abundance.
Developing into a spiritual gardener does not happen over night. It takes time, it takes the right tools, and it takes training and mentoring from the Master Gardener. You must plant what you want to harvest. You must never plant a seed expecting to harvest a fruit other than what you planted. Seeds produce after their own kind. A seed of forgiveness will harvest forgiveness. A seed of love will harvest love. You must discern the right planting times. You must familiarize yourself with the tools of the trade. You must be patient, for it takes time for the seed to sprout, and the sprout to grow and the bloom to set on, then the blossom to open, and finally the fruit to mature. But in due season, you will reap what was sown.
As we go throughout life on this amazing planet, we need to look at people as opportunities for us to practice are spiritual gardening skills. Maybe the garden hasn't been prepared or plowed. Maybe the weeds are choking out the little bit of green growth that is sprouting, maybe they just need watered or introduced to the Son. And maybe, just maybe if you're timing is right, you'll get the experience of harvesting some of the fruit others have planted and nurtured ahead of you. Then stand back and be amazed....you will see that it is quite possible that YOU do have a "spiritual" green thumb.

Sweet Aroma or Bitter Afterbite?

2010-04-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

The other day, I had someone ask me if I knew a "certain person." I answered yes, but it had been over 10 years since I had seen them. They proceeded to tell me that "this" person thought I was one of the nicest people and that I had a "heart of gold" and so does my daughter. I must admit...I was overwhelmed by the comment and I think it was one of the nicest compliments I have been paid for a long time...especially coming from someone that I had not even seen or talked to for over ten years.
I pondered the idea that I had made a small impact on someone's life. I had apparently left a lasting impression on her...and I was totally oblivious to it. I began thinking about the fact that EVERY single person we come in contact with EVERY single day forms some kind of impression....either positive or negative and so I thought it would be interesting to analyze it a little deeper and decided it would be worth it to do a little critiquing of my own.
Have you ever wished that you could be a fly on the wall and actually hear what other people would have to say about you if they didn't know you were listening? What would these people have to say about you? (I know, I am a brute for punishment.) The biggest problem with this is that people are too nice or they are afraid to be honest to your face. We've been taught not to hurt each others' feelings. and truthfully...can you imagine some of the things you would have to come clean about if you HAD to answer others completely honest...

"Dude, you talk to much. You're driving me crazy!"
"Well, if you asked me a question, you could at least be polite enough to pretend you were listening to my answer."
"I don't really care about your great aunt's ingrown toenail!"
"T.M.I. I didn't really need to know that about you!"
"Listen to yourself and you'll understand why you don't have any friends."
"Is there ANYTHING you don't know everything about?"
"Really...that is NONE of your business."
"Bad things always happen to you because you reap what you sow, man. If I believed in karma you would be a bad karma magnet."
"Gripe...Gripe...Gripe. That's all you do."

So...I wondered....what would people say about me? It's really hard to analyze yourself when your oblivious to your own faults and weaknesses. So, I asked my family members. (Husband, kids, sister). Believe me...THEY can be brutally honest!
But, hey, if I'm really trying to grow and change...I guess I need to hear it. But did they have to gloat so much when they were telling me?

"You always think you are right."
"You are a conversation stealer."
"You interrupt people when they are talking."
"You answer for other people."
"You are a know-it-all."
"You're pretty opinionated."
"You have to have the last word."
"You're a better talker than listener."
"You don't finish things that you start."
"You think the world revolves around YOU."

Okay, I must admit that they came up with a very good list of all of my shortcomings, of which I've listed only a few. It would be impossible to work on EVERYTHING all at once.
So I challenged myself. If I could have only a few positive phrases spoken about me...that would leave a lasting impact on others, what phrases would mean the most? What lasting impressions would I most wish to leave to this world? If I encounter someone new, would I leave a sweet aroma or would I leave a bitter, unpleasing, after bite?
I guess, here are a few of the things I would like to have said about me and to be remembered by:

"Wasn't she passionate about Jesus Christ and her family?"
"Man, she could make me laugh."
"She really had a good heart."
"She was a very giving, generous person."
"I really believe that she cared about me."
"Her children all love the Lord."
"Remember when......"
"I'm going to miss her."
"She tried..."
"She loved life and enjoyed every minute of it."
"I'll never forget her."
"She had a heart of gold."

I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I hope if I meet you, I leave you with a good first impression....and if I don't, be kind and forgiving...we all have bad days!

Memories: Random Thoughts of Childhood

2010-04-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

There is nothing better than reminiscing about the good old days....so here goes.

My grandparents on my Mom's side used to play a marble board game with us all the time. Pretty much like the aggravation game only we always had a homemade hand drilled board to play on. You would roll the dice and move or take off marbles. We would play as partners. I haven't thought about that game in years.

Do you remember the clackers? I don't know what they were really called, but that's what we called them. A string with a hard ball on both ends that you would clack up and down together. That's all they were good for...but hey, I had to have one.

We use to play a game on summer evenings where I would blindfold my sister and her friends then they would all hold hands and I would lead them around trying to mess them up and they would try to guess where they were at. Sometimes we'd pull them in a wagon we had covered with a blanket...and they would guess that way.

Every Sunday, my mom and dad would give us money to walk down town to buy some comic books and penny candy. As we grew older, we learned that they were trying to get rid of us for an hour or so for some romantic time. T-M-I.

Summer evenings were my favorite times and I would sit on my front porch at night and watch the cars go by (It didn't take much to entertain us back then.)

Do you remember all of the jump rope jingles. And Skateland. Now that was fun! Especially when they had couples only and some dorky boy would grab your hand to skate with you. We bowled for fun on Saturdays. We played pinball machines when we had money to waste.

We were as obsessed with Vampires as this group of teens are, only ours was Dracula and Dark Shadows. I remember one night they showed Dracula in our high school auditorium and then I had to walk all the way home afterwards. I would hit the viaduct running as fast as I could until I was almost home. I hated having to walk through that little viaduct at night. But we had to walk everywhere. Parents did not drive you anywhere...you walked. I do, however, remember a boy writing my initials and his with a heart around them with a sharp chalky rock in that little viaduct. Years later I looked for it...but they had painted over all of the graffiti. Actually, that little viaduct is where I learned some of my naughtiest words.

We had some of the best fun nights and penny carnivals. And the cake walks were always a big deal. I remember Audrey Summers would put nearly all of her kids on a spot so they could take home one of those yummy cakes. Mothers actually baked back then and those cakes were works of art!

Our basketball games were in Crawford's little auditorium. We had pep club and you had to go and cheer. I even made up some not so nice cheers about the cheerleaders who seemed to think they were all that.

We had one teacher...Mr. K....who would ask you if you wanted a knuckle sandwich. He would turn this big old ring upside down and bop you on the head with it. Or he'd take both arms and slam one on your front and one on your back sandwiching the boys really hard. I even remember when Mr. Smith took a blackboard eraser and threw it at a kid in the back of the room. It whizzed passed our heads and hit him a good one. Or he'd pick up the desk with the kid still in it and drop it hard to the floor giving the kid a good jolt. Mr. D would call naughty students to the front of the room and make them bend over and grab their ankles. He would then take this big old paddle with holes in it and crack them on the butt. But none of us ever felt abused. We pretty much deserved it. And it worked pretty well at keeping us under control.

We knew how to have fun without being entertained. If we said we were bored...we got put to work. We didn't have videos, video games, or multiple tv channels to entertain us. Music on the radio was our vice. Our parents still ironed clothes and we had to learn how to iron them right. We had spray starch and you started with the collar or sleeves first. If mom wasn't satisfied...you did them over. We hung clothes on the clothesline. We learned to cook. We fried steaks and homemade hash browns, homemade pies and homemade everything. Funny, though...I didn't get fat eating all that fried, creamy, buttery, homemade stuff...it wasn't until the processed and fast food stuff came along that I put on all that weight. We didn't have sodas with every meal. We were lucky to get a "pop" once a month...usually a big gallon jug of A & W frosty chilled root beer. We only drove to Chadron maybe a couple three times a year. We never really had to because we had everything you ever needed here in good old Crawford.

I remember going to Scottsbluff to get some school clothes and the only big store they had was K-mart. Only one fast food place...a drive-in hamburger place. No malls. Can you believe that?

I worked from the time I was fourteen doing anything and everything. Working at the Fort meant picking up litter, pulling weeds, restoring museum displays, and putting up signs. Pretty menial tasks. My starting minimum wage was $1.65 an hour.They would actually plant litter around to see if you would pick it up or step over it.

We did politically incorrect things. African-American knocking :) Yet we were pretty unaware of the racial injustices that was going on in the bigger cities. We lived history and missed it. First man on the moon, integration, Vietnam, draft dodging, Woodstock. Our R rated movies are tame compared to what you see now.

You could buy a vanilla coke and a bag of potato chips for a quarter. Our movie theater offered "Take a Chance" night for a quarter. You never knew what you would see, but you didn't care...it was a movie! I remember one boy I liked climbing over the back of a theater chair to sit by me. Sigh!

When a boy called you a stupid name...you knew he really liked you. At least that is what my grandpa told me when one boy called me Ratface.

We gave our chairs to adults...said please and thank you....and removed our caps in buildings.

Our biggest fear was Jake Hymer (our policeman)picking us up and chewing us out for riding your bike on the sidewalks.

We made some bad boy floats in our day. We used hundreds and hundreds of packages of napkins...but they were awesome. We would work on them all week in the evenings.

They were magical times. They were right when they said it was the good old days. Sometimes...when I just want to go back...I will play one of the old tunes...and enjoy some bittersweet memories. Back when my grandparents were all still alive.........and I wish I was young and free again! I miss those home cooked meals. I miss the innocence. I wish our children could experience it the way we did. But, you know what? It's getting harder to remember...

The Good Things About Being 52

2010-03-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I turn 52 tomorrow so I decided instead of dwelling on the negative, I would list some of the GOOD things about being 52.

1. You're not 53.
2. You don't have to invest money in fishnet stockings...your varicose veins do the trick.
3. Boy scouts help you across the street.
4. You're only 7 in dog years.
5. You now qualify as a cougar.
6. You don't need a bed in order to fall asleep.
7. You don't have to go to school. Oh, wait....never mind.
8. Maalox has calcium.
9. You don't have to worry about finding a date to the prom.
10. You can eat ice cream for breakfast if you want to.
11. You can't hear people talking about you.
12. The other options aren't very good.
13. You still have 8 years to hit 60.
14. Grandchildren
15. Your humor increases...hey, you might as well laugh.

Actually, it's not so bad. Happy 52nd birthday...to me!

Letting Go

2010-03-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

It's never easy letting go of something you love.
I've been thinking about this quite a bit this last month. After looking up the definition for love in the dictionary, I found that although it had numerous definitions, none really defined the word. Maybe that is because love is sort of undefinable. Listed below are a few definitions from the good old Merriam dictionary.
1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
2. affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests
3. an attraction based on sexual desire
4. warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion or an object of attachment,
devotion, or admiration.
5. an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

Pretty shallow definitions for an emotion that makes your heart ache with such longing and the pit of your stomach feel sick when you are separated from that special someone. This longing that is so strong that it creates a constant desire to hold on to the object of your affection so tightly that you never have to be separated from it.
We humans have the tendency to cling on to the people and things we love. We are quite selfish by nature...so we hold on tightly, fearing and dreading their loss because, in truth, it is painful to love. It is my experience that love will eventually lead you down the path of hurt, pain, loss or a broken and wounded heart. I'm speaking now in terms of the physical realm. People move, die, or no longer have attachment, devotion or enthusiasm for us anymore.
And so we cling or worse yet, we refuse to open up and love in order to protect ourselves. We will withhold love to avoid being hurt. It seems we fear the risk of that hurt..or maybe it is too emotionally draining or damaging to our own heart.
As I researched bible verses, I discovered that God's definition of love is a little more revealing and worth some exploration.
In 1 John 4:16 I learned that God IS love.
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God is in him."
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:18
As I pondered the idea of God BEING love, it struck me that being created in God's image, His heart must also feel some of the hurt and pain at the rejection of affection He receives from all of us. He chooses to love us without a return. There is no guarantee that He will get anything back from us for His love for us. Still, He chooses to love us...no strings...nothing in it for Him....His undeserved gift to us with no expectations on us..a gift He provided for both receivers and rejectors alike. He loved us...then let us go.
But there is a key to God's love that we in turn need to discover. Letting go. His love has no fear of letting go of us. He doesn't cling to us...He doesn't withhold His love for us or from us. He just IS. Even though loving us has the potential to hurt Him...and even though He desires to have us with Him forever....And even though it sometimes hurts His heart and He longs to be with us....He sets us free. He doesn't try to coerce us into loving Him...He doesn't try to manipulate us...His love is free to us,
But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."~Romans 5:8.
Love is an amazing thing, but I believe that to experience love the way it was meant to be....it involves opening up and loving for all your worth with no promise of return and the potential of rejection and pain. You shouldn't enter a love relationship with the thought of what is in it for me. Love is NEVER wasted.
I guess that is what I mean by letting go. I guess in actuality it is about letting go of self. "love is not self-seeking.."~I Corinthians 13:5.
Learning to let go is scary. It involves sacrifice on our part. It's not always getting what we want. It's risky. But if we really want to experience the kind of love that God is...the only clinging we should be doing is clinging to the cross of Christ.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~ Romans 8:38
Are you clinging to things you love too tightly? Are you afraid to love because you don't want to get hurt?
Let go of self...let go of your fears....let go of your past....let go of everything except the One thing.
"Jesus....lover of my soul.....Jesus I'll NEVER let you go."

Only the Innocence of a Child

2010-03-10T20:21:00.000-08:00

My daughter recently posted a blog about the funny things her children had said and it sparked a couple of memories of my own.

When Gina and Jordan were about seven and four, we were playing a child's trivia game together. I drew a card and asked Gina the question on the card. "Where is Pearl Harbor?" Gina paused a moment and answered, "Hawaii??" I then remarked, "That was great, Gina. I didn't think you'd know that." Four year old Jordan, wanting to add his own words of encouragement to his older sister stated excitedly, "Yeah, good job, Gina. I don't even know who she is."

It seemed that quite often, it was Jordan who drew the laughs from his comments. On one particular day, Grandpa Raben and Uncle Paul decided to take the kids fishing down at our dam. Again, Jordan was about four years old and tagged along behind. After a while, they returned to grandma's house with a large white bucket containing the fish they had caught. Jordan entered Grandma's house ahead of the rest of the men and Grandma Veda asked him, "What do you have in that bucket of yours?" She could detect a little disappointment as he looked up into her face and answered her question in his little four year old voice, "Well....they said there was a bull head in there....but when I looked......it was just a fish!"

My mom always tells the story of the time she was grating cheese for tacos. Jill had been standing there watching for quite awhile when she finally spoke up, "Grandma...can you give me a piece of that cheese before you erase it all?"

Raised in a church home, we had several opportunities to talk to our children about God, the stories in the bible and even the devil. This particular day Gregg and I were discussing Revelation and in particular...the devil and the Mark of the Beast. We had been in a pretty deep discussion and hadn't really noticed that Jordan's little ears had been intently taking in everything we had been discussing. When we got to the part about the Devil and his number being 666, Jordan's little hand tugged at my arm interrupting, and asked, "But what happens if you call it????"

Speaking of church, we were a family that attended church every week rain or shine...so over the years the kids heard a lot of hymns and songs sung. Again, little ears didn't always hear the right words that were sung. For instance...Jill would sing loudly, "Amazing Grace how sweet is paste."

I can't attend an Easter service without laughing every time I hear the song, "He Arose", It went like this..."Up from the grave He arose...with a mighty triumph o're His foes." But when our little man sang that song loudly Easter Sunday, it came out, "Up from the grave He arose....with a mighty trumpet for His nose." I bet even Jesus laughed at that one.

And last, but definitely not least....our Jill story. There was a children's Sunday School song that was quite popular at the time. "Behold, Behold...I stand at the door and knock, knock, knock." Jordan was probably nine and Jill was three or four at the time. Jordan was on the sofa singing the song at the top of his voice over and over again. Pretty soon Jill ran in, the ever innocent tattletale. "Mom....Mom...Jordan's cussing." "Why? What is he saying, I asked? Mimicking the song in a sing song voice she replied, "He's singing B-Hole, B-Hole."

And now, one that makes Jill still laugh...at ME! I was singing one day "I'm your Venus...I'm Your Fire...Georgie Sire!" Jill was rolling on the floor making fun of me. When I asked her what was so funny...she replied..."It's not Georgie Sire....it's "Your desire!!! Good Grief, Mom!!!!"

I guess now I know where they got it!!!

I Miss the Old, Young Jill

2010-02-23T20:47:00.000-08:00

I was flipping through some of my old pictures and came across a few when we use to have all of Jill's friends out to our house. We would have scavenger hunts, movie nights, bonfires, Halloween parties, Christmas parties, and Birthday parties. Some of the faces changes, but the core group stayed pretty much the same. I found myself smiling as I recalled some of the highlights. They were good times and I miss the teen-age Jill who would keep me up till all hours of the night with goofy friends, giggling girls, dramatic love lifes, and long visits after everyone had left and it was just the two of us. But it is bittersweet, too. I guess I never realized how much I cared about those teenagers who passed through our lives so quickly, and even now...how lonely I get for THAT Jill and her friends. They kept me young. Now the silence is excruciating as Gregg and I fall asleep in our chairs and I long to hear Colter and Dakota singing with their microphones to some song on the American Idol singing game. Dakota could really belt out Tiny Dancer! I miss Robert and Colter bickering over some video game, and Motz' smile. I miss Chirsten and Jill's giggling over a whispered secret and Kevin cracking jokes that were actually quite witty. I miss stumbling over the bodies strewn across my living room floor watching movies and eating abundant amounts of junk food. And there was always some form of drama to be found whether it was Tessa and Cameron's not getting along or the moodiness of one teenager or another. I guess what I really want to say is thank you! To each one of you that entered our doors, you made my life fun and I love you all. It's bittersweet to know that as you all grow older, you all go separate ways and drift apart. You were good friends to Jill and you made her teenage years memorable and exciting. I hope that you will pause a moment to think of the fun times at the Raben's and think of us with the same fond memories that we think about each of you. Now for a few memories:

Boys trying on all the homecoming dresses :0) What was it with the boys wanting to dress up in girls clothing?

Halloween night and the spooky lights going on and off and Courtney trying to punch out the guy in the trench coat (Shawn Wright)while Darrick and Quinn were too afraid to go outside or go to the barn to find the clues.

The Pirate Party and Anthony running away with all the loot.

Eating Aebleskivers and little smokies until you were sick.

The Silly Supper where you had no idea what you were ordering.

The water fight.

Grandpa Jim chewing out the girls for chasing the chickens.

Hanging out on the top of the haystack.

Motz getting his pickup stuck in a snowbank and Gregg pulling him out.

Robert and Colter playing that old cowboy Nintendo game...and liking it.

The Mighty Armadillos (Thank you Chance, Danny, Jason, Jarod, Colt, Sam, AJ, Dallas, Colter, Quinn, Ashley, Jocelyn, etc.) That was one of the most fun things I ever did. (Loved doing Seven Brides, too. Quinn, your solo blew me away!)

Lifted Out of the Box

2010-02-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

It has just been recently that I have been enlightened to the fact that the major portion of my life has been spent imprisoned in some kind of a box. The first couple of years of my life were enjoyed in the confines of a crib..a playpen...a carseat...a highchair...a stroller.... or my mother's arms. They were meant as a form of my protection, and even as I started to explore the perimeters of my well guarded fortresses, and began climbing out of the crib or playpen, I was reminded over and over again how dangerous it was to be unconfined or unrestrained. As I grew, the boxes became a little bigger, and the borders went a little farther, but I began to slowly understand that there was a well planned conspiracy to keep me within the four walls of my safety zone. Now the box became my room....my yard..and my city block. I would get glimpses of "the outside" once in awhile, but was quickly reminded by my parents and peers that scary things were on the outside and the big wide world would gobble you up if you dared to dream a different dream than the one that lay inside of the box that was designed especially for you. As the teen years approached, my box grew and expanded...only this time it extended beyond the physical and began to develop inside of my mind, my thoughts, desires, dreams, and spirit. Although I was free to roam the four corners of my large box, other boxes of various sizes began to fill the box I was enclosed within, pressing me into the corner from all sides until I had very little room in my box left for me. The little boxes came in the form of peer pressure, desire to please others, obedience to the laws, parents, church, friends, teachers, ideas, politics, sexual beliefs, so many boxes...and being the opinionated person that I am...I had lots of beliefs and words on every subject imaginable. As adulthood approached, I began to see that others lived in different boxes than I did....but boxes just the same. The borders may have extended farther than mine, but they weren't any more free than I was. They were restrained by different ideologies or ideas...but they were still in bondage. I would look outside my four walls, with a floor and ceiling, and wondered if I would ever really understand what freedom was. It sounded sooo good. Jesus said that He came to set the captives free...and I definitely was a captive. The church (religious establishment) would tell you that Christ could set you free...but then they would tie you up so tightly in the bondage of fear, shame, or some other warped religious rhetoric. I now believe that they were so afraid that you might escape their grips and truly find the freedom that Christ talked about, leaving them to remain in their box all alone. So they worked even harder at keeping you in the same box as them. Religion (man created rules about how we should live under the law) is a horrible way to live. It keeps you in bondage. It keeps you in a box. Christ came that we may have life and have it more abundantly. I had been "religious" for many years...it has just been recently (the last couple of years) that I have really discovered God's grace. It is sad that it took soooo many years before I found the freedom I had longed for. I had tried to climb out of my box many times. But it wasn't until I lifted my arms to Jesus and said, "I'm ready to come out", that I was released from my bondage, and I want to share that with you. Religion produces "a works mentality", an "I can earn God's favor"... Religion produces "a judgemental" attitude, an "I am more holy than you" attitude. Religion produces hypocrites...pretenders....Grace produces an understanding of what Jesus did for me on the cross and a love and desire to serve and please him. Grace produces an uncondeming love for others. Grace (God's undeserved favor) gives us freedom without boundaries...because boundaries are unnecessary for someone who is so in love with the one who died for you. As I told you all once before...I quit attending church for over a year. It was the best thing I ever did....a time of growth and letting go of security...but God has called me back to church....and I LOVE IT! I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH! I CAN'T WAIT TO GO BACK EVERY SUNDAY! What produced such a radical change in my thinking and in my life? I was set free! It is all because of God's amazing grace...Jesus lifted me out of the box, and said I love you....be free! And I fell down on my knees and worshipped Him saying....I love you and it is my desire to serve you! Are you tired of being in bondage? Are you ready to be lifted out of your box? There is amazing freedom waiting for you outside of the box and His name is Jesus. I guarantee you...once you are FREE to worship....YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME!

A Valentine's Day Love Letter From God

2010-02-03T15:50:00.000-08:00

My dear child,
Because it is so close to Valentine's Day, I decided to express my love for you in a Valentine's Love Letter. I know that my Holy Word is also my love letter to you, but you haven't picked it up for a very long time so I thought I might have a better chance of reaching you through facebook. Even when you are very busy, I see that you can squeeze in time there, so maybe you will receive this afterall. It seems sometimes, we go for such long periods of time without talking to one another and I often get so lonely for you. I sometimes think that you must get lonely for me, too, but I still never hear from you. I just want to remind you of how great is the love I want to lavish on you, so that you might remember that you are my child.
(1 John 3:1) I want you to know that I have loved you with an everlasting love; I draw you to me with lovingkindness. (Jeremiah 31:3). In this world with all of it's definitions of love, it would be understandable to see how confused you might become. The world lives for today and lets tomorrow worry about itself. You are so precious to me. It makes me sad when I see you give yourself away so readily to people or things so undeserving of your affections. You are valuable. Why can't I make you understand that? Everything I created in you is perfect to me. I made you exactly the way I did for a reason. You are my symphony. Every musical note in your laughter pleases me. You are my poetry. Every inward part of your spirit has the rhyme of my own heart. You are my finest work. Why can't you understand that and start living the life I intended for you? Why must you waste your beauty and heart on my creation rather than on me, your creator. I so want you to live a life of love, just as Christ loved you and gave himself up for you as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to me. (Ephesians 5:2) You can rely on the love I have given you. I am love.(1 John 4:16). I am faithful. My love never fails. My love endures forever. I will strengthen and protect you. (2 Thesselonians 3:3) I am like no other lover that you chase after. I am faithful and true to the one I love. I will never leave you. Where others may let you down, hurt you, or reject you, my love is unfailing and unconditional. I pursue you and woo you to come back to me. My child, return to the one who knows everything you have ever done and does not reject you but draws you into my loving and forgiving embrace. I wonder sometimes, if your friends or the church have misrepresented me to you...that possibly you may believe me to be stern, unforgiving or even expecting something from you in order to stay in my good graces. I assure you that isn't true, but men love darkness instead of light (John 3:19). Be warned, a time is coming when men will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to other myths. (2 Timothy 4:4) They do not understand my love. They love the creation more than the creator. I am with you. I am mighty to save, I take great delight in you and I will quiet you with my love. I will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) Did you know that I long to hold you in my arms and sing into your hair to quiet you with my love? As far as the east is from the west I have removed your trangressions from you. (Psalm 103:12) I have compassion on you. I satisfy your desires with good things. Well, my dear child....I guess I'll close. Think about what I have said. It's really simple. I love you. Come home.
Love,
God

My Birthday Prayer for Jadyn

2010-01-26T21:07:00.000-08:00

Today is your 3rd birthday, Jadyn. Time goes by so quickly and before you can blink an eye, you are all grown up. We are celebrating your birthday on Saturday, so for now...I will give you a birthday prayer.
Dear Jadyn,
My birthday prayer for you this day is that you will never grow out of your childlike awe, and that as you mature you will continue to see things through the eyes of a child....with amazement at the world around you.....anticipating with joy all the things that you can not wait to see, touch or accomplish. Too often as we age, we become a little jaded and cynical, less trusting, and we keep our hearts guarded. I pray that you will love with abandonment, trust and think the best of everyone you meet, and appreciate them for who they are even if they don't think like you or are from a different background or culture. I pray that you are blessed with a gift of insight so that you may understand the heart of people, that you are in tune to their heart's melody and that insight will provide you with strong, loving relationships throughout your lifetime. I pray that you will appreciate the little things in life, that you stop and smell the roses....that you make time for the more important things in life, like your family, your future spouse and your future children. I pray that you don't settle...like the rest of the world, for mediocre...that you wait for the best, because you deserve it. Above all, I pray that you recognize the importance of having a relationship with God the Father, and His Son, Jesus. As you grow and mature physically, I also pray that you will gain spiritual maturity and that even as a child and teenager, you will be guided with wisdom and choose lighted paths in a dark world. And I pray that when you make mistakes, and choose the wrong paths, that God will provide you with His wonderful grace that forgives so readily and unconditionally. Don't forget to give that same grace to others. You are a gift to this world, and I thank God for you....but I pray that you also remember that you are a gift to others and you have special abilities and resources that only you can share with the world. Be more of a giver and less of a taker. Learn from life's hard lessons and grow from them. As a very wise quote states...dance as if no one is watching...Sing as if no one is listening...Love as if there is no tomorrow. You, my child, and your generation, are the hope that this old earth longs for. Be the change that is needed. Be the light. Embrace life, laugh often...pause to notice the view...touch and taste each day that God has given to you and rejoice. Have no regrets and look fear in the face without backing down. Greet each day as a gift not a burden. Be thankful. Respect your elders. Devour knowlege. And don't forget to change your underwear in case you're in an accident :0) I love you. Happy Birthday! Love, Meanma

Tag...You're It!

2010-01-18T15:50:00.000-08:00

Okay...so I have been tagged by OriGINAl ImaGINAtions, which means I must write 7 random things about me and then tag another 7 people. (Problem is, I don't have 7 people to tag...so...I'll just write the 7 random things about me and consider it completed).

1. I was voted best actress in my high school play. (That actually might explain alot about me.) I played a high school girl celebrating my birthday with my friends in a haunted house. Okay...I really probably shouldn't have won best actress....because the shocked and surprised look on my face as they carried out my birthday cake and placed it on a table in front of me was NOT acting! My shocked and surprised look was caused from the picture of an unclothed man that one of the boys laid on the table next to the cake. Goodness....If Miss Mary Daniels, my high school drama teacher would have found it...we would have all been in a lot of trouble :0). We won't even talk about some of the other pranks they pulled during play practice...however I do recall a head peering over the 12 foot tall sets. (And a streaker (and we all know who you are) in the play two years earlier that Miss Mary chased off the set trying to catch him. (Those were the days :0).

2. I was going to be named Tom if I was a boy.

3. On our senior sneak trip to Estes Park, CO, some of my "good" friends thought they would help Gregg and I start liking each other...so they made him sit next to me on the bus going down. You know what....he never moved the rest of the trip :0) And NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!

4. I have never flown on an airplane.

5. I have nightmares about bears and tornados. And I read everything I can get my hands on about Mt. Everest.

6. I never had a date to any of my high school dances. (Of course the black, cat eye glasses didn't help immensely :0(. (Dang..you would have thought my last name might have worked :0).

7. My first kiss was at age 13 as the result of the boy being "dared" in the game truth or dare. (I don't think I washed my lips for a couple of weeks! Ha!) It was all verrrry innocent. My, how the times have changed!

There you have it.....seven things about me that you probably never knew...and maybe didn't care to. Tag...You're IT!

Choose LIFE That You Might Live!

2009-12-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have mixed emotions about the new year. On one hand, it is refreshing...a second chance, a fresh start, a clean slate. On the other, it is a time of reflecting...people you've lost, time that's slipped away, and missed opportunities.
On one hand....it's been a very good year..a new granddaughter, happy memories, good health, the discovery that I love church again. (I went through a time of not attending church...it's a good story I'll have to share with you all someday.) But this year had it's share of grief also. Deaths of loved ones, news of cancer and diseases upon friends and people I love, the decline of health of our parents, and yes, even the irritating little aches and pains in my own body.
Actually, 2009 has been no different than any of the other years. Each year offers you a clean slate on January 1, as the chapter in your life's story starts over again only to end on December 31. But isn't that what life is? Chapters in your life's story? Gains, losses, happy moments, sad moments, financial ups and downs, highs and lows. The chapters are YOUR story...but The Story...well it's HIS. You are a part of a bigger story. And sometimes, when we question why things happen in our chapters (because it doesn't seem to be what's in MY best interest) the answer isn't about YOUR story. We will never see the big Story if our eyes continue to remain fixed on OUR chapters of that Story.
Where am I going with this? I guess what I would like you to get out of this is that LIFE happens while we are sleep-walking through living. It's time to rise and shine and wake up to ABUNDANT LIFE! Quit focusing on your chapters and begin to read and live the BIG STORY. We can either choose to sleepwalk through life as a zombie..through all the ups and downs, moaning and complaining that it isn't fair, plugging through it, just a shadow of who we were meant to be....OR...we can WAKE-UP....enjoy LIFE with our eyes wide open. Actually choose to LIVE life with all it's surprises...both pleasant and unpleasant, and asking what is the lesson to be learned in all of this and grateful that we were given a chance at LIFE in the first place. So many of us view life through such a narrow window, that we aren't contributing very much to the bigger picture. Your life is not your own, it was bought by a price.(1 Cor. 6:19-20) You do not exist for your own purpose. You exist for ABUNDANT LIFE which can only be found in God's Son, Jesus. (I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.~John 10:10.)
A song I listen to has this phrase in it..."Choose LIFE that you might live."
As this new year (2010) comes bursting forth tonight...view it as an opportunity....It is a choice. LIFE or just living??? I CHOOSE LIFE!

Gregg and the Flaming Cow Kabobs

2009-11-12T04:12:00.000-08:00

So yesterday after I got home from work and was reading my facebook, I could hear my husband enter the house. I was excited to show him the 42 inch flat screen television set I had been admiring on the internet and thought it might be a good time to drop a few hints and "fire" him up about the approaching Christmas season. As I heard his footsteps approach the computer room the smell of a woodburning stove greeted my nostrils. I began sniffing the air like Smokey the Bear. Hubby stood in the doorway with a bewildered look on his face. I said, "Honey...come look as this tv I've been looking at." Sniff, Sniff. "Have you been burning garbage? You don't smell too hot. (notice the irony of this statement)! Hubby replied, "It's a long story." He had my attention now. I turned to give him my full attention. Our conversation could have gone something like this:
Me: So what happened?
Hubby: Well, I have some good news for you.
Me: What's the good new?
Hubby: Well, my cattle hauling trailer is finally fixed. Our naighbor got it welded and it's right on time to haul the cattle we will be selling on Friday.
Me: That is good news.
Hubby: No, that's the bad news. When I went to use it the bottom of the trailer was so slick, my cows slid all over the place.
Me: Whoa! That is bad news.
Hubby: No that's the good news. The straw I put down in the trailer helped them stay on their feet.
Me: That's good news.
Hubby: No, that was bad news. As I was driving down the road with a load of cattle, I could see smoke pouring out of the back of the trailer. I had to stop and see what was burning.
Me: That is bad news.
Hubby: No, that's good news. It was just the hay in the bottom of the trailer that was on fire NOT my cows.
Me: THAT's good news.
Hubby: No. That's bad news. The flames were leaping between the legs of the cows and was burning the hairs off of their legs and bellies.
Me: That is bad news.
Hubby: No that's the good news. The smell of cooking beef steaks made me hungry so I worked a lot faster.
Me: That is good news.
Hubby: No...that's the bad news. When I tried to stomp it all out, I kicked the hay out onto the grass prairie and it started the prairie on fire.
Me: Oh my goodness! That is terrible news.
Hubby: No. That's the good news. I had the fire out in the trailer!
Me: Well, that was good news.
Hubby: No that was the bad news. I had no cell phone, no one around to help me and the fire was starting to spread.
Me: That is bad news.
Hubby: That's the good news. I had my good stomping boots on so I was quickly able to put the prairie fire out.
Me: That's good news.
Hubby: No, that's the bad news. When I looked back in the trailer, there was ten inch flames springing up again. The cows were beginning to think they would become beef kabobs after all.
Me: That IS bad news.
Hubby: No. That's the good news. I was working so hard to put out the flames, I never had time to let those cows out of that trailer.
Me: That's good news.
Hubby: No...that's the bad news. If it snows, I won't be able to get those cows to the sale barn anyway! What really irritates me though is that the day was so hectic, I NEVER did have any time to enjoy me a good barbecued beef steak...!

And so you get the picture of a day in the life of my hubby. He did get the fire put out. His cows were all okay. He didn't destroy the trailer. He's healthy and safe.....that's the good news!
Now for the bad news....that's a NORMAL day!

A Date with Death

2009-11-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

We all have an appointment that we will have to keep someday, an appointment not one of us will be able to get out of. No matter how hard we try, it is impossible to escape our date with "Death". Most of the time we picture "death" with a dark hooded cape...no eyes...bony fingers beckoning to us from beyond. I personally would like to picture him like Andrew on Touched By an Angel....a blond, hunk with a boyish grin that takes me by the hand and leads me through the light.
As we age...that date begans to dog at our heals. Our bodies begin to slow down and we can feel death's hot breath on the back of our neck. We start seeing signs that he's beginning to get interested in us. He leaves little notes all over the place. Now if you're in your twenties, you probably can't relate...but if you're my age (more than halfway through life) you can. :0)
I've been thinking about this subject quite a bit lately. Life happens and you lose some people you love. It often causes you to stop and ponder the things in life that you haven't dealt with before. So I have come up with a few questions that I think we need to stop and ask ourselves long before we have to go on this "date".
1. How can I get out of this appointment or '"date"? (Sorry...it ain't gonna happen!)
2. Where does he take me on this "date"?
3. Who's paying for this "date"?
4. Who's stupid idea was this any way?

Well, I think I'll start with the last question first. Would you believe me if I told you that the stupid idea began with you? We were meant to live forever in a perfect setting, in a perfect world. But man wanted to do things his own way...thus, disobedience in the Garden. Ecclesiastes 7:2 states, "It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart."
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23
Which brings me to question number 3. Who's paying for this "date"?
Well, guess what? God paid for this "date" himself. "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." Romans 4:28 Christ Jesus...who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." 2 Timothy 1:10.
In other words, though we still have to make our appointment with death...we never have to die!!! Do you get this? "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the SHADOW of death.." Death has become a shadow....not a reality for us anymore. Shadows are not real. They have no substance. Likewise...death has no substance. It is like passing through a door. Christ has conquered our fear of death. Death will have been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:54-55.
Now for the question, "Where does he take me on this "date"?
Okay, this is where I have to tell you what God himself says...."What I think....or what I believe do not count when we are talking about eternity and where you will spend it. Everyone has a lot of beliefs on the subject of heaven...but I guess the only one that matters is what is the truth. All we have to understand what this truth is, is the Word of God, Jesus Christ. And Jesus states this in John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through me." Over and over in Matthew, Jesus starts His sentences with the phrase "I tell you the truth..."
God offers us a gift...eternal life. But that gift comes with a very steep price...the shed blood of Jesus Christ alone. It's a gift that has been completed for everyone (though many choose not to accept it)....but to receive the benefits...you HAVE to accept it. You can't leave it on the table unopened and expect to get to use it the day of your appointed "date" with death like a get out of jail free card.
There is a heaven waiting after death. And it is more real than this life you walk around in right now. But there is a hell, also. And it's more real than you ever care to think about, either.
Revelation 20: 15 sadly states, "If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire."
For some....the Date with Death will come when you are not expecting it. But...it will come. But for those who have accepted the one who paid for our "date" there is no longer any thing to fear. It will be a "date" that we look forward to.
1 Corinthians 15:26 says, The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
Are you ready for your date?

Am I Really a Mafia Gangster?????

2009-08-31T15:56:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think there needs to be a reteaching of common sense again for our own protection. Let me explain. I enjoy writing my blogs and reading other blogs. It is an opportunity to express my views, my opinions, my lifestyle. I check my facebook often and enjoy the ability to have contact with all my "facebook friends", but I must admit that there are times when I don't think I really realize how many people might read what I've written. I believe we are definately leaving an impression of ourselves, a heartbeat of who or what we are and who or what we love on the pages of time for the world to view. Sometimes it may be accurate, but other times it might falsly represent us or be inaccurately interpreted. I view what I write somewhat like a journal...a place to express myself and what I am feeling or doing at any given time. If I write that my favorite music is Lawrence Welk style (God forbid) than the reader can assume that I like Lawrence Welk music, right? If I post pictures of myself...I can assume that people will look at them.
So I asked myself a question. If my facebook account was the only way anyone would ever really know anything at all about me....am I representing myself accurately and expressing who I really am? Would I give people reason to question my trustworthiness?? my character??? my beliefs???
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day, and he was saying how many workplaces actually use Facebook, My Space, and the such to learn more about applicant's that have applied for a job with their companies. Would my facebook pages make me a good candidate for a job? Would I be embarrased by anything I had posted? What would my pastor think? My boss? My parents? My in-laws? I know...it's just about fun, right? I guess I'm just saying that people will still take what I write and form some kind of opinion or thoughts about me. Maybe I should think for a moment, use common sense before I write...not everything I think, believe, or do was meant to be expressed or shared with the world.

Seven Days Without Laughter Makes One Weak

2009-08-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine my life without humor. I am also amazed at how funny the world we live in really is. I'm especially amused at the wonderful sense of humor God has the older I get. I've tried to make a list of everyday situations that I find humorous. If you do not enjoy a good laugh, DO NOT do anything on the following list.

1. Sit in one of those carry-in-a-bag lawn chairs. They do not have stable arm rests to use as support, soooo how is anyone ever suppose to get out of them again?? Believe me...I tried. It was NOT a pretty sight. They cradle you like a beached whale sling. I had to call for recruits to hoist me out. By the way, thanks Taylor!

2. Put on pantyhose. Any woman who has tried to squeeze her belly and butt into a pair of these knows what I am talking about. You have to have a sense of humor and at least a couple of hours to try to get these on. The dancing, squirming, prodding, folding, stuffing and wiggling that goes on is worth a good laugh. But take my word for it....you don't want to have to go to the bathroom once you're stuffed into them or you'll NEVER get them back on in one of those little stalls!

3. Give grandchildren pony rides. I repeat....DO NOT try to do anything on all fours with a kid on your back.

4. Leave a dollar tip for your waitress. Although your generosity might make you all giggly, you'll discover that she does NOT have that great a sense of humor.

5. Look in the motel mirror as you're getting out of the bathtub. Why in the name of God do they put mirrors there? Does anyone look that good naked? You definately need a sense of humor for that...a blindfold doesn't hurt, either. Nuff said!

6. Have a mammogram. You have to find some humor in it. If putting on the stinking gown isn't enough, ironing your private parts into flat pancakes will do the trick.

7. A holiday sale. There is always something funny about a group of psychotic women, standing outside a locked door, waiting to claw and shove their way in for a free cookie or snowglobe. Take time to enjoy the fear in the door unlocker's eyes as you realize the one and only free snowglobe was just handed to the pushy woman in front of you! Yes, there was ONE woman in front of you. Pushy broad!

8. Pictures of yourself. Mouth opened, shoveling food into your mouth...bending over to pick up something, hair standing on end, unflattering clothing, you might as well laugh....your children certainly are :)

9. Forgetfulness. You head for the bathroom, but before you get halfway there you forgot why you were going....oh, well, by then it's too late!

10. A remote control fart machine. NEVER get your 8 year old grandson the only thing he ever wanted for his birthday. It will definately come back to haunt you :-)

Seriously, don't take life that way! Have a good heartfelt laugh at your own expense. You'll be ever so glad you did.

My Life's Story

2009-08-02T17:41:00.000-07:00

I noticed that I hadn't written a blog since June...what does that say about me? Am I too busy...do I have nothing important to say...I know that just isn't true because I just reread some of my older blogs and believe me...I have plenty to say :)
I think that sometimes it's just really difficult to be that transparent with people. We care sooo much about what others think that we are afraid to show our vulnerable side. I've discovered that not everyone will like what you write...not everyone will appreciate or even "get" what you write...but maybe someone will know you or understand you just a little bit better by reading your blogs.
My life is a book...not always open...but full of tidbits of useful information to those who take the time to read it or even misread it.

My life is a story, a wide open book,
Peer into my pages and take a good look.
Some chapters are happy and others are sad.
They'll reveal alot of the life I have had.
Some pages are fragile, so handle with care.
Those chapters expose me and lay my life bare.
The good and the bad and the ugly are seen,
The times I was kind and the times I was mean.
Child or mother, and also a wife,
They are chapters and pages of my story's life.
If you choose to read me, you'll have to embrace,
The story unfolding, so give me some grace.
I look forward to reading all of your stories, too,
For that is the way I will get to know you.
And in reading each page, understanding will flow,
And our love for each other's life story will grow.

I appreciate that you find my thoughts, writings, and blogs worth your time. Thank you to all my readers. I love being entrusted with your friendship and your life's story, also.

I Am a Rock, I Am an Island

2009-06-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

I've discovered the world of Facebook and find it very interesting and sometimes a little sad...It is so amazing that we can have the world at the tips of our fingertips and in a split second we can keep up on what our friends and aquaintances are doing at a moments notice. To be able to access people we don't get to see every day and to be able to post pictures and express ourselves to others in a very safe way is wonderful. The possibilities are endless. It can appear as if we have hundreds and thousands of "friends" when in actuallity, some of them barely even know us or care about us. Thus, comes the sad part. Even though we can learn very intimate, or deep things about a person, maybe even a truer self than they display in person...it is so "safe". We never have to see the person face to face...we can answer them if we choose to or ignore them if we want, and they don't even get their feelings hurt, because they don't know it. We can know they're feeling sad...yet we can't talk to them face to face to really get to know them or understand them. We can draw little smiley faces or little frown faces, but the recipient at the other end never really knows the extent of those simple drawings. We can type LOL...but know one gets to appreciate or enjoy the sound of that laughter. We are uniting ourselves with the whole universe, yet isolating ourselves away from life at the same time. We are trying to communicate without voices, ears, eyes, and touch. We are texting, (No human voices) in abbreviations that take seconds to send. There isn't much distinction between what I "text" to my lover or what I "text" to my enemy. We don't hear the words I love you and distinguish whether their voice is telling you it means "you're my friend", or "I love you like I love my computer or an ice cream cone, or even "I want to marry you." I miss reading the real message people are sending with their body language...their eyes...are they sincere or are they lying to you. Technology is a brilliant tool...but I'm afraid we are creating a generation of people who will become as the Simon and Garfunkel song says, "I am a rock...I am an island." I hope we don't forget how badly we need each other...not just in a little square box that sits on our desks...or in the little cellular tool we carry around in our pockets....but in a real face to face physical way. I think technology makes it so much easier....we don't have to become involved or have the inconvenience of others intruding on our "own" time. Sounds a little selfish and self-centered to me...You might even disagree with my philosophy....but it really doesn't matter...I can delete what you think in a touch of a button and continue to delight and revel in the intelligence and wisdom found within the ramblings of my own "blogging...texting...and facebooking." And a rock feels no pain.....and an island never cries......

I Am.....His!

2009-05-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

My daughter Jill just posted an I Am poem for her college class and I thought her's was amazing. It inspired me to try my own.

I am a faithful, compassionate, child of the king.
I wonder why God has chosen to lavish upon me His unmerited favor.
I hear unwritten symphonies in the laughter of His children.
I see His unfinished masterpieces on the tablets of each human heart.
I want to appreciate the moments, shine like a beacon, and leave a hard to replace void when I'm gone.
I am a faithful, compassionate, child of the king.

I pretend to be worthy of His love and the love of others.
I feel fear at the prospect of unveiling the "Real Me" to anyone.
I touch my world warily, holding back involvement, not risking exposure.
I worry that I am unlovable.
I cry at the injustice of a crucified Jesus rejected and denied by a world that He sat free.
I am a faithful, compassionate, child of the king.

I understand that our days are but a breath in the scheme of eternity.
I say I will make my life count and have meaning.
I dream of the moment that He looks into my eyes and says, "Well done, my good and faithful child."
I hope that my family, friends, and co-workers will hear those words, too.
I am a faithful, compassionate, child of the king.

Laughter and Tears

2009-04-29T15:56:00.000-07:00

Things that make me Laugh:

1. A good practical joke. (Nothing to do with tatoos, though.)
2. Sarcasm. (Gregg's, mine, or anyone else's)
3. Everybody Loves Raymond, but mostly his dad! (Pretty close to my real life)
4. Making someone else laugh. (My favorite)
5. Other peoples' phobias. (Screaming men and spiders really crack me up.)
6. Making up new words to songs that make them a little "naughty".
7. Colter Lemmon.
8. Little kids trying to be funny.
9. Swinging. (Sorry...The one with chains and a seat.)
10. The word weiner. (I know...I know)
11. A good groin shot. (Probably because I am not a man)
12. Looking at myself in a mirror. (You might as well laugh)
13. When my boss brings me a stack of work and says I need this done in an hour.
14. Beating someone better than me at a game.

Things that make me cry:

1. Funerals, weddings, and graduations (Anybody's, Really)
2. A good sermon.
3. Onions.
4. Trying to hold in the giggles at the movies or at church.
5. The smell of my own feet.
6. Being really, really angry.
7. Injustice.
8. Abortions
9. Jeanne
10. My children
11. Losing things.
12. Fear
13. Pounds. (Only on myself, though.)
14. A sad movie...A happy movie....A moving movie....A boring movie...

Family Dynamics

2009-04-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to me how as your children grow up into adults with families of their own the whole dynamics of the term "family" changes. Let me explain. As a parent, my family is and will always be the circle of me, my spouse, and my children. As the children go off and get married and have children...my circle expands. My family now also includes their spouses and their children, (my grandchildren). Sometimes it even includes their spouse's extended family. They become my family, also. But, it seems I've also noticed a strange phenomenon. It's not really that strange, but whatever. My children's "family" circle becomes different. It becomes them, their spouse, and their children. Their own brothers and sisters are all still included in their family circle, also. But I've noticed that we, "their parents" become less and less a part of their family circle. "We" began to be excluded and they began to have "family" excursions without including us. Surprisingly, they no longer want to spend time with us. Hey! I know! It's weird, huh? Somehow...they no longer really see their parents as an essential part of their family.
As a parent, I guess it's difficult to understand why you some how have slipped from the pedestal you once stood on and have fallen in their eyes to the level of being somewhere between a pesky, annoying mosquito to a downright pain in their patooty! Now, may I state that as a parent, you never intend to become that! But somehow, amid their teenage years, your voice to them becomes as shrill as the scratching of fingernails across a blackboard and you begin to think that your questions are written on the ceiling the way they roll their eyes at you.
My brain realizes that this has become the way of family dynamics to this generation. It wasn't all that long ago that granny and gramps was essential to the family, and I'm sure Carol Brady and Marian Cunningham were always needed for crucial decision making in their children's lives and always a welcomed addition to Marcia and Ritchie's family outings.
Alas, this is no longer the case. Which brings me to the subject at hand.
As a parent, I wish I could take the higher road....I wish I had no feelings to express, which would make all of my children's life easier. But, I'm going to lay it out there. Sometimes it hurts! My brain understands....my heart hurts. My brain understands that my children and their families all want to go together on a summer outing. My heart says...why didn't they want and need us. Why does our role as parents never end but their role as our children ends the day they head to college?
It's a question that I'll ask God someday...and I'm sure He'll answer, "My children leave me out all the time, too. They don't seem to need or want me, either. They don't invite me along on their outings or to their homes, either. And heaven forbid, that they pay a price for Me. My heart understands this all too well. But, rest assured, I made the family dynamics, the family circle, that way on purpose. You see, a parent's heart is always bigger than their child's heart. It can take the pain. Pain helps the heart grow bigger and softer. It makes you vulnerable and real. That's a good thing. But I tell you the truth, my child, someday your child's heart will grow into a parent's heart. And when that happens, they'll understand, and they will have days that their heart will ache and hurt so bad they won't believe they can hardly stand it. But it will stretch their heart. And that in turn will stretch your heart somemore, also. In fact, somedays the pain will stretch your heart so big you will believe it will explode or break. But it won't, because I am the heart expert and making big, soft hearts is what I'm all about. So get use to it. And learn by looking at how you treat your own parents. Their hearts are the biggest and softest of all."

I Thank My God Every Time I Remember You.

2009-04-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

I am amazed that people enter our lives, become important to us in various ways, then exit as quickly as they came...and they seem to be no longer all that important to us any more. School friends, teachers, pastors, neighbors, coworkers, school crushes, students, even enemies. They all fit into that catagory. People we swear we will never lose contact with, become nothing but photos in an album or memories long since faded. I suppose in some ways, it is a good thing we do not become so emotionally attached to these people or our hearts could not bear the great weight of losing them. But still, it is sad that people who were once so important and vital to us in that special time period leave us without too many tears. I guess I would like to pause to remember some of these very special people. I never stopped loving them...I guess I just outgrew them or they me. Some have passed on. Some moved away. And others, well, we just grew apart. I have a huge bulletin board above my computer filled with pictures of these special people. I look at them every day and remember them. I really haven't forgotten!
Childhood & high school friends I'd like to remember: Debbie...Billy...Kay...Jan...My high school group and graduating class...
Teachers...Mrs. Kloppel...Miss Daniels....Mrs. Ruble....
Special relatives....Theresa...Cindy...Uncle Milton...My grandparents...Aunt Shirley...
Special community members: Frank Uhl...Bill Richards....Ruby Snook...
Pastors...Rev & Lois Sauter...Rev. & Mrs. Runyan
Neighbors...Elaine...
Co-workers....Kathy...Phyllis...Twila...Kathy R...so many! Students....Nathan....Robert....Colter...Dakota...Dustin...Kalla...Danny...Chance...Kelsey...Philip...Brandi...Ashley...Jesse...this list is so very long and special..I loved every single one of them.
Enemies...If you ever were one..I doubt you are now. But still, you have made me who I am. Thank you.
If your life has crossed paths with my life....thank you. You have been important to me. If your name is not on the list....it does not mean you aren't important. Everyone of you has made a contribution to who I am. Thank you.
I have a scripture hanging on my bulletin board with all of your pictures. It is Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I remember you." Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "A friend is a gift you give yourself."
I have given myself many friends!

A Really Good Holiday

2009-04-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

The house is quiet again. We are back to just two. The Easter holiday has come and went...another year quickly past amidst the laughter of grandchildren and the reflections of the sacrifice Christ endured for us to enjoy that laughter. We're still cleaning up from what looked like a gigantic Easter basket explosion. Plastic eggs and candy, colored grass and abundance of leftovers invade every room and we are left with the screaming quietness that always follows a holiday. Everyone is safely back to where they came from, a bit fuller, maybe, but back just the same. It was a good holiday. Like every holiday, there is always the minor bickerings of too many people in a house at the same time, too many chocolate laced children with sticky hands and chocolate filled diapers! Still, I am contented. God has graced me with wonderful parents and children, a fantastic daughter-in-law and son-in-law, and of course, the most perfect and beautiful grandchildren you could ever hope for. And what a husband! He went along behind everyone cleaning up our messes! I never could do holidays without him. Our prayer time and communion before the dinner was extremely meaningful, even when, during the middle of prayer, our 7 year old grandson, thinking the prayer was going a bit too long, spoke up sighing, "Okay..who ever hasn't prayed yet, raise your hand." I can still hear the laughter of my three year old granddaughter as she played with the noise making Flarp in her Easter basket. I smile as I reflect on the time I spent at the table with my other granddaughter enjoying an imaginary tea party with my little angel tea set that I never take out of the china hutch. I felt peace as my one year old granddaughter climbed on my lap with her "Woobie", a small fuzzy blanket with a bear's head attached to it, and pressed her nose to mine. We sat cheek to cheek in blissful contentedness for quiet sometime, gazing into one another's eyes and smiling. It was a good holiday. We frosted Easter cookies together...we hunted eggs together..went to church together as a family. We played cards and ate too much. We laughed. We fought. We cried. We were a family. A family who loves each other. My heart is full. It was a really good holiday!

Then Comes the Morning

2009-03-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

It is 5:00 am on a Monday morning and I am fighting the flu. I've had two and a half days of coughing, fever, and aching headache, haven't slept for a couple of days and on top of that another winter storm warning is predicted with blowing snow and blizzard like conditions...still...I am alive and well. I'm beginning to understand that "Momma said there'd be days like this" and this happens to be one of those days. But, I can hold fast to the promise that "this too shall pass." There is a song that reminds us that even though it can get pretty dark and miserable...then comes the morning! Hope is always found in the morning! After every dark time in our lives...the hope is found in the coming light just around the corner. When things are especially gloomy, or you're exhausted, or sick, or in mourning, or whatever curveball life has thrown at you...there is light at the end of the tunnel. All the cliches that have ever been written are true. "It's just around the corner"....our hope may be found in the LIGHT! When our hope begins to fade under the shroud of darkness, and you feel there is no end to your miseries....you'll slowly begin to see that the blackest darkness begins to fade to a dull gray, and the dull gray begins to soften the shadows that were so discouraging before and you begin to see the shapes of the objects that held you captive in your darkness, but in a blink of an eye.....Then comes the morning!

25 Thrilling Things to Do After the Age of 50

2009-03-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

1. Learn sign language. (This is usually taught to you by passing motorists as you drive 35 miles an hour on the highway.)
2. Sit in the mall and pick a new spouse for your mate. This also relieves tension by discovering that there are weirder people than you out there.
3. Guess what kind of underwear the people in the mall are wearing. (This sometimes is too easy to do.)
4. Instead of reading the newest novel, read people's tattoos. (You may not want to do this with your grandchildren along, however.)
5. Count the age spots on your hands and arms. (If you reach more than fifty, you win)
6. Eat at Arby's.
7. Watch Dancing With the Stars. (This is the new Lawrence Welk)
8. Try on a bikini thong. If you get it up to your calf, celebrate.
9. Clip your mates toenails. To really have fun, let them clip yours, also.
10. Practice pulling the hairs out of your chin without a mirror.
11. Stay awake past 8:00 pm. Live dangerously!
12. Take your dentures out of your mouth and make them talk to you like a handpuppet. (This is probably not a good idea if you have company or if your are at the dinner table.)
13. Have knitting needle sword fights.
14. Eat black licorice or red velvet cake and check the color of your stool the next morning.
15. Read the obituaries for ideas.
16. Go to Branson.
17. Write all your Christmas cards in September.
18. Make a list of all the doctors, nurses and health care people you know on a first name basis. Write them all Christmas cards in September.
19. Call all your children and grandchildren by a different name. (This really gets them as they think you don't know what you're doing)
20. Copy the obituaries of your old dead friends and make sure all your children receive a copy. (They should remember them and care, right?)
21. Collect real life horror stories to share with everyone at appropriate times, like the time a microphone fell into the baptismal and electricuted everyone. (A good source for these is the national news, Dr. Phil, and Oprah.)
22. Practice singing loudly and often, substituting words and phrases you don't remember.
23. Play bumper cars with the riding shopping carts in Walmart. (Be sure to say excuse me, though)
24. Hide the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle your spouse is putting together so you can put in the last piece!
25. Make a list of 25 thrilling things you can do after the age of 50.

Beware of Beautiful Packages

2009-02-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

I had sort of a revelation this week. Actually, it started with a gift I received from my husband on Valentine's Day. Now, my intention is not to hurt my husband's feelings by telling this story, but to share the insight I gained by it.
I am a gift giver. I love to give gifts. I love to plan surprises and try to make ordinary days extraordinary. This is probably an indication of my Love Language. So gifts and presents are something I am very familiar with.
As I approached the breakfast table early Valentine's Day, I was excited to see that my husband had went to some trouble to please me. He had spread a white table cloth on the table, sat red candles in crystal candleholders and sprinkled confetti of hearts and I Love You's all over the table. There by my plate sat two gifts wrapped in beautful wrapping paper with hearts on them. A card was placed next to the bigger package. It didn't really take me long to recognize what that package held. It was shaped like a jug of bubble bath, and I wasn't surprised when I opened it. However, there was a smaller wrapped box sitting in the middle of the table that grabbed my attention and intrigued me. It looked like it would hold something like a bracelet or necklace. My imagination ran wild, thinking of all the wonderful possibilities that the little box might hold. I couldn't contain my excitement and asked could I open that one now. He handed it to me across the table saying, "You probably can guess what this is." I hadn't a clue....but then as it reached my hands it rattled. In fact it rattled a lot. As I opened the package, realization of the noise hit me. I had unwrapped a 99 cent box of "Good and Plenty" candy coated licorice pieces. My heart sank and the disappointment spread to my face before I even had a chance to try to hold it in...and in that same moment I also saw the hurt on my husband's face. He knew immediately that he had unintentionally hurt me and it caused him pain. He saw what I had seen, too...that his gift was a disappointment to me. Immediately, my disappointment turned to anger. I said hurtful things to him. "Just look at this...did you really think this is a gift any wife would want for Valentine's day." I shouted at him. "Is this all 31 years of marriage is worth to you?" I hurt him because he had hurt me. Angry words, silence and pouting, tears, and unforgiveness were in my heart. I went and shut myself into the computer room to be alone. And that is when God began to speak to me. He used my husband's gift to illustrate several lessons to me that I'm hoping will teach you something, also.
You see, I cared more about the gift than the giver....and He reminded me how often that happens to Him. My eyes had been focused on a beautifully wrapped gift and I allowed my hopes and imagination and expectation to convince myself that their was something beautiful in that package. The "idea" of the gift was more important than the actual gift itself. All the good things my husband had done that morning had been forgotten and this ONE thing plagued and overtook my heart. It began to be all about ME.
God also showed me that sometimes, what is beautiful on the outside, is really not that special on the inside. And sometimes, the ugliest wrapped packages can hold the most beautiful and special gifts on the inside. We humans are usually drawn to the beautiful packages...forgetting that true beauty comes from inside. How shallow we are. We jump and cater to the beautiful, sparkly, popular, rich people, and ignore the plain, poor, undesirable, or unpresentable. Our heroes and "idols" (note the word) are celebrities and sports figures...people we don't even really know...and would more often than not discover that their lifestyles are probably not very worthy of our admiration. How often do we miss an opportunity to discover a genuine jewel or gem because it is hidden and seek after the glitz and shine only later to discover that it was a fake, a poor imitation, or downright ugly on the inside?
God had this message for me. He said to quit focusing on the wrappings...even quit focusing on the gifts. Our focus should turn to the Giver.
God's lessons are painful. I had hurt the one I loved...and I needed to ask for his forgiveness. Fortunately, I have an unbelievably forgiving husband. But more importantly we have an even more forgiving God.
People are more important than things! When you find yourself seeking the gifts rather than the giver....STOP! When outward beauty becomes more important than inward beauty....STOP! When your hurt makes you want to hurt those who hurt you...STOP! And listen to the instruction of God.

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

2009-01-25T05:16:00.000-08:00

The dictionary's definition of joy is this: intense gladness, a cause of this.
What produces intense gladness in you? I think the key phrase here is intense. (very strong, concentrated; strained to the utmost, strenuous; marked by much action, strong emotions, etc.)
There are a lot of things in our lives that make us happy. (lucky; possessing or enjoying pleasure or good; pleased) Happiness can be found in the simple things in life. But somehow, happiness seems to be shallow. It has no depth. I can be happy one moment and very sad the next. But the intense gladness I experience in Jesus has substance. It has depth. It doesn't fleetingly go away. It is truely joy! I don't find this in many things. Joy is reserved for the deeper things in life. Happiness is found in tangible things: puppies, a good meal, a nice car, a new toy, but joy is found in the intangible: relationships, experiences, and the spiritual realm.
You can't have sadness and happiness at the same time. They are the opposites. But you can be very sad and experinece joy at the same time. My family and grandchildren bring me joy.
Happiness is fleeting....but joy is eternal.
In this new year...don't strive to be happy. Don't chase after the happiness that can be found for a fleeting moment in the material things. Seek for the eternal substance that is found in JOY. Momentary happiness will lead you down the wrong path. It will rob you of something so much better. It will try to substitute itself for the best. Seek for the real deal. The joy of the Lord is YOUR strength.

Life is Great!

2009-01-16T04:03:00.000-08:00

Life is great! I feel wonderful, look great, and am excited for this new year! I sound bi-polar sometimes, don't I? Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and feeling great! Life is beautiful and full of great surprises! This is the year for amazing things to happen. I can't wait!

Feeling Blue

2008-12-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very sad and lonely tonight. It's new year's eve and Gregg and I are alone again. New Year's Eve should be a time of games and fun and celebrating the new year together with loved ones. Funny how your children would rather be almost anywhere other than with their parents. It's definately understandable. How lame is it that you would spend new year's eve with your parents? They are young and free and searching for their own lives. Just like we were thirty years ago when we would rather do anything other than spend time with our parents. It's a sad cycle. You have to come to some form of peace with it, but at 50, you still want to feel young and exciting. We are getting to the age where we have to do all the inviting in order for our children to spend time with us. They very seldom feel inclined to invite you into their world. I'm beginning to understand how my parents felt. Well, guess I'll go read a book or watch a movie with the one person I can't imagine life without. My husband.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

A new year is fast approaching and we will be entering 2009. I remember thinking how far away the year 2000 was and could hardly imagine that I would be in my 40's when that year finally arrived. Now 9 years have already past since then. I am 50. More than half way through my life. I believe that the new year is a chance to reflect on your past and reconsider which direction your life is headed. Do you like where you are going? Do you need a clean slate? Each new year can be a second chance. A time of renewal...looking forward to whatever the future holds and embracing it. And so, I too, have made a few New Year's resolutions.
I resolve to embrace every moment that God gives me on earth.
I resolve to spend each of those moments wisely and carefully, realizing that they could be my last.
I resolve to spend each of those moments wisely and carefully, realizing that they could be the last for the people I am with.
I will recognize and appreciate the people around me for who they are and where they are at, not for who I want them to be or where I want them to be at.
I will try to be a blessing to others not an annoyance.
I am resolved to rein in my tongue and harness my hurtful words.
When I see a need, I will try to meet it. I will be a builder and supporter of people, especially my husband and my children.
I am resolved to reconnect with my mother and love and appreciate all she does.
I resolve to see the cup as half full and not half empty.
I will laugh every day to add years to my life.
I will cry once in awhile to keep my heart soft and pliable.
I will remember what Jesus has done for me and rejoice and be grateful.
I resolve to allow the spirit man control of my life and to push my physical man back into the deep chambers of my heart until I no longer see him any more.
I know that when I see my spiritual inner self change, everyone else will see the physical part of me change, also.
I resolve to be a greater giver than I already am.
As New Year's eve approaches and we prepare to enter into 2009, take time to reflect on the past to encourage you to embrace the future. Instead of looking at 2009 with fear and trepidation, look on it with hope and excitement.
Happy New Year!

The Hopes and Fears of All the Years are Met in Thee Tonight

2008-12-24T04:33:00.000-08:00

Tonight is Christmas Eve! The night before Christmas! It seems too soon this year. I haven't had time to listen to all the songs, watch all the Christmas movies, and cook all the Christmas goodies I want. The older I get, time seems to just fly by. Before I even blink, it will be Christmas time again next year. I've started to realize how short time really is. How our lives are just a moment in the scheme of eternity. Yesterday, I was watching an old Christmas rerun of Touched By an Angel and she said a phrase that grabbed my attention. "The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight."
Imagine that. Every need has been met in the birth and death of Jesus. Every hope and fear has been met in the birth and death of Jesus. Tonight, as you open your presents, celebrate the season, and enjoy your family...take time to remember WHO has met all your needs, wishes, hopes, fears. He loves you. Don't forget to say thank you to the one who paid your freedom price. Thank you, Jesus..that our hopes and fears have been met in YOU tonight.

What Should I Bring Him?

2008-12-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

I was up early this morning contemplating the Christmas season and was meditating upon Jesus and his birthday. I know there is a lot of speculation as to when it actually was, etc. but the point I focused on was that Jesus really did have a birthday. A day he was born, and a day he celebrated with his family year after year. They knew the day. Even his disciples, who spent three years with this man, probably spent his birthday with him. Probably slapped him on the back and said "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" Maybe even had a present for him. So I thought, about his birth in the manger and the shepherds coming to see this special new baby. The kings brought gold, and frankincense and myrrh as birthday gifts. A cute little song, The Drummer Boy, says he had no gift to bring so he played for him on his drum. I watched a movie one time about how a juggler presented his only gift to the mother of Jesus. He juggled and it pleased the child.
So as I contemplated this...I asked myself...what gift would I bring to this child? Although he was a baby, he was also a king. Do you bring him an item he could enjoy, play with? Do you bring him an item of need? Maybe a warm blanket? Some diapers? Or like the kings, do you bring him costly gifts? Would He appreciate an IPOD or a Wii game? Maybe a birthday cake and party hats? Jesus was just like you in every way..He enjoyed surprises and parties. However, I know he was not materialistic. His worth was not wrapped up in owning the most toys and driving the fastest cars. His mission on earth was not about what He personally wanted, but what His heavenly father wanted. He was our gift! So what is our gift back to Him?
We all have the obvious answers such as our hearts...ourselves...things like that....but is that the correct gift for Jesus?
I love giving gifts. I try to find just the right thing that means I know them, who they really are, and I definitely try to please them. Sometimes, however, I often hit and miss. Sometimes my own personal preferences are involved in my choices. I think if I like it, they will definitely like it. Not always true. Is it true that it is the thought that counts? I've heard that alot. I don't know.
What gift would Jesus want on His birthday? What gift would you bring Him?
I never came to any pat answer, but I did think about this...
I honestly believe that Jesus would want something from you that you don't even recognize as a good enough gift for Him. The littlest angel in the children's classic gave him an old box full of childish treasures. (a rock, a feather, etc.)
Jesus, like everyone else would appreciate something from you that means something to you. He loves it that you try to please Him because you know Him so well. He loves it when you use the gifts and talents that He gave to you to offer back to Him. All of the gifts I've mentioned above were pleasing to Jesus. But only YOU can choose the birthday gift that YOU should bring Him.
During this Christmas season, meditate upon the ultimate gift that God sent to earth for you. There is absolutely nothing that you could give in return for that gift. NOTHING you have would ever be worthy of His gift to you....but in recognizing that...you will be able to discover what gift you should give to Jesus on His birthday. Rejoice and be thankful and greatful. Sometimes...a thank you is a good place to start!

We Sure Could Use a Little Good News

2008-12-19T15:49:00.001-08:00

The headlines scream at us from newspapers, television, the radio, and other sources the most horrendous stories. Scanning some of the large city newspapers I have listed just a few of the hundreds of thousands of headlines. I am not trying to be depressing, but this is a sampling of what is happening in our nation today.
Man Shot After Answering Knock at Door
Boy 13 is Charged in Stabbing of Brother, 16
Teen Accused of Raping Elderly Woman
Men Recruited Homeless to Steal From Walmarts
Florida Woman Accused of Hiring 4 Hitmen to Kill Husband
New Trial for Minister Convicted of Killing WifeThe news goes on and on and it seems the crimes become more heartless, more disturbingly violent, and having no consciences about wrong doing. Unfortunately, even the small towns we live in have become the source of some of these headlines.
The words to describe these crimes have been watered down to a more user friendly word or phrase. Abortion has become "The right to choose". Rape has become "sexual assault", Murder has been listed as "Crimes of Passion". No one takes responsibility for their own actions. Everything is always someone else's fault. We are raising children who are disrespectful, angry, lazy, materialistic, and think that everyone owes them something. Our children drive better vehicles than we do. Our credit card bills prove that we are a generation who waits for nothing or no one. Luxuries have turned into needs! Yet in foreign soil, children are dying daily from starvation and we close our eyes and say it's not our problem. Where has our compassion gone? Where is our empathy for others? Have our hearts waxed cold? When will the headlines be bursting with positive things? Why have we made the ugly, evil things newsworthy and the everyday feel good stories boring until that's all they will report? Surely, that is not all the news there is.
As the nursery rhyme says "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again."
Our nation is Humpty. We are headed for a great fall. And sadly, all the government programs, and all the Obamas in office are not going to be able to put Humpty (our nation) back together again."
Is there any hope?
Well, I do have a little good news for you.
Long ago, in the city of Bethlehem, a baby was born. He came to deliver us from many things, but saving us from ourselves is one of his greatest, most priceless gifts to us.
While the world around us is seeped in bad news, we have been promised good news. And that is what the word gospel means. GOOD NEWS! The first four books of the new testament in the Bible are called the gospels. THE GOOD NEWS. God sent us a book focused upon GOOD NEWS! Have you read it lately?
In Luke 1:67 Zechariah shouted it when his voice returned, "Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come and has redeemed (bought back) his people."
And in Luke 2:10, the angels proclaimed: "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you: he is Christ the Lord."
And finally in Luke 4: 18-19, Jesus himself proclaimed of himself,"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach GOOD NEWS to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
This Christmas season, take some time to focus upon the GOOD NEWS God has for you. We do not have to remain in the darkness of this world, but we can be illuminated by our Light, Jesus Christ.
Our newspapers may be full of bad news, our nation may be in a downward spiral, but Jesus' own words in John 16: 33 says it best.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Till He Appeared and THIS Soul Felt Its Worth

2008-12-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Okay. I know Taylor enjoys my funny ones, but every now and then I have to have a serious blog. So here goes.
I do some of my best visiting with God in my car on the way to work. Usually I have Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman playing, but Gregg had switch cd's on me, and had put in Third Day's Christmas cd. As the song came on I recognized it as O Holy Night, so I just listened and for the first time, I really heard the words. I've sang it hundreds of times...sang the words out loud, even..but that morning, I really HEARD the words. There was a couple of lines that really jumped out at me.
"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining..Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth!" I stopped and restarted the song. The world had been in darkness and sin...longing and pining for the arrival of a savior. Someone who could break the curse that they were under and they could stop living in a shadow of that sin and darkness and awaken to a life of abundance and light. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world." That first Christmas morning...the light had shattered the darkness with a star, and as the light pierced the darkness, that baby's birth started to give hope to all that had been in the darkness for so long. Their mourning souls could finally see their worth to an almighty God who would send His Son, Jesus, to die for us. WOW! That made me see how precious we are to God. WE HAVE WORTH TO HIM! "For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!" We should all fall down on our knees during this Christmas season to worship the one who chose to come to us...in the form of an innocent human baby in a manger, born to die, that WE might have life and have it more ABUNDANTLY! If your life is any less than full of light, hope, and abundance....fall to your knees and thank Him for coming. Rejoice in the night so divine....The holy night that Christ was born! Thank you, Jesus, for appearing and showing THIS soul her worth to You!

The Twelve Days of December at My School Job!

2008-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Since it's nearly Christmas...here is my rendition of a Christmas song!

On the first day of December a student said to me,
My boogers sometimes are green!
On the second day of December a student said to me,
My head is itchy and sometimes my boogers are green!
On the third day of December a student said to me,
Bill just let a fart, My head is itchy and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the fourth day of December a student said to me, I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the fifth day of December a student said to me, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the sixth day of December a student said to me, My dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the seventh day of December a student said to me, The toilet's overflowing, my dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the eighth day of December a student said to me, I puked in the lunchroom, The toilet's overflowing, my dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the ninth day of December a student said to me, I can spell #*&*, I puked in the lunchroom, The toilet's overflowing, my dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the tenth day of December a student said to me, My mom thinks it's contagious, I can spell #*&*, I puked in the lunchroom, The toilet's overflowing, my dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the eleventh day of December a student said to me, Dad's ankle bracelet's pretty, My mom thinks it's contagious, I can spell #*&*, I puked in the lunchroom, The toilet's overflowing, my dad says I don't have to, THE SNAKE IS GONE! I forgot my homework, Bill just let a fart, my head is itchy, and sometimes my boogers are green.
On the twelfth day of December I quit!

Spelling Lessons

2008-12-04T15:55:00.000-08:00

Mi pet peev is peeple who hav blogz or rite that can not spel. Gramer and punktuasion is one theeng...butt speleeng shud be sumtheeng that they tri hardr to git rite. Its imbarasing and it luks lik thay rnt very smart. Pleez, pruuf rede yur blogz befour u post thim. thancs.

The Oddities of Your Elderly Parents

2008-11-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

I am aging, but I always vow that I will never become as weird or annoying as my own parents or my husband's parents. What I've been noticing however, is that even at my age my children find me extremely weird and especially annoying.
Let's start with the annoying. We'll move to the weird in a minute.
First of all, it seems the elderly have a special license to tell you things you already know and don't particularly like pointed out. My father-in-law is excellent at this.
"You need to get out and walk. The exercise will do you good. Someone as heavy (semi-polite way of saying "fat")as you needs lots of exercise. Why, I've never had an extra pound on my body." To which I sarcastically reply that I am actually trying to gain enough to be perfectly round so that I can roll everywhere I go instead of walk.
Sometimes he'd point to your teenager and say, "A good scrub with some soap and a wash cloth might help you get rid of all those pimples." (Pimples...an ugly word at best, but very damaging to someone who is well aware that they have them.)
One year, my dear mother-in-law gave my a dish cloth with a little poem attached as a helpful hint that I needed to do the dishes more often.
"Why, I'd tell her? I have a husband for that."
My mother would often walk around my house and feel the houseplants, then go get a pitcher from the kitchen and water them. (That may not sound that harsh, but you definately felt like a failure at houseplants 101.)
I can't even invite mom over for a meal without her tasting my food and her first sentence beginning with, "Have you ever tried.....I like to add.....but that's just me." (Which is an indication that yours tastes funny, bland, not like hers, or all of the above.)
Now my dad....well, he get's to cussing more when he's at a family gathering. He makes risque or naughty comments and says, "That's just who I am. If you don't like it, too bad." He especially seems to like to shock pastors and new boyfriends or girlfriends who you've been trying not to scare away too soon. Do you know the dad on Everybody Loves Raymond? That's dad. He pats his large tummy and says, "Fill her up."
Now for the weird.
My mom draws faces on the Willow Tree angels. Seriously. She said she didn't like them to not have faces..so she took a pencil and drew faces on them. Stop laughing, Jill.
Mom likes to tell off-colored jokes to people, but then feels terrible guilty about it. I tell her to either quit telling them or quit feeling guilty about it. The funny thing is, she loves to tell the jokes....but always messes up the punchline.
She also has this habit of working this puzzle in the newspaper every week so she can win money. She'll call you on the phone and say, "Can you help me with just one answer? I always ask you because you're really smart at these things."
Frustrated, I'll reply, "Okay." She'll read the puzzle to me and then I'll comment on an answer. Then she'll always say, "Okay, I have just one more to do. What's this one?" Before you know it, she has faniggled you into answering three or four of them for her.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make fun of them or show disrespect to them in any way. I love my parents and in-laws. As they age, I just worry that I will start becoming them, and my children will start to find me annoying and weird.
I already see myself becoming them, as I take the spoon from my daughter's hand to stir the soup, or add some seasonings. I've got to go now. I need to phone Jill and ask her if she'll have a boyfriend by Christmas. And speaking of Christmas, I can't seem to find the wrapping paper for my daughter-in-law's new dishrag. What's really disturbing, though,is that my faceless Willow Tree collection is starting to creep me out...oh, and by the way, have you heard the one about the farmer's daughter?

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

2008-10-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

This says it all.

The "Richest" Person in the World

2008-10-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

Children say and think some of the strangest things! They are quite logical and when they put two and two together....watch out!
As you know, I work as the hot lunch bookkeeper at our school. I receive payments, send out all the bills, and everything else that has to do with hot lunch.
Today, one of the first graders mother's was telling me that her son had told her that Mrs. R (me) was the richest person at the school. Questioning him further, she asked him why he believed that to be true.
In a sincere and logical explanation, he replied, "Well, Mom, when I took my lunch check to Mrs. O (his teacher's aide) she took it and gave it to Mrs. B (his teacher)and then Mrs. B took and gave it to Mrs. R (me)...so she's the richest person in the school!" Out of the mouths of babes!
Now I chuckled at this, but within minutes I realized that this little first grader had actually made a prophecy about my life!
No, my bank book and finances may not show me as the richest, but my relationships attain to this fact....I, indeed, am the richest person in the world.

Come Grow Old With Me for the Best Is Yet To Be

2008-10-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

October 21st will be Gregg and my 3oth anniversary. It doesn't seem that long ago. A word to the wise, enjoy every moment God gives you because in a blink of an eye, time passes. Now back to my original subject. My husband is the most precious gift to me. I hear a lot of wives complain about their husbands....all their faults, all the things that they don't do, or all the irritating things that they do do....even I have been known to get a little irked at mine now and then. Well, AFTER THIRTY years I finally want to set the record straight....my husband is my soulmate. I love him with all my heart, and I sometimes worry that I'm not good enough for him. Seriously! He is the most giving, caring, sharing, humorous, loving man I know. A man of honor and integrity. A man who's word can be trusted. A man of God. A rare find, indeed. The qualities that he possesses are to be admired and imitated.
How did I luck out? I use to ask myself that question quite often until I discovered that luck had nothing to do with it....God orchestrates every area and detail of our lives and for some unknown reason, He saw fit to put us together. (I guess Gregg had to take his punishment, huh? :)) If my children have even a small portion of the happiness with their spouses that I have found with their father, they will indeed be very fortunate in their marriages. And Jill, if you look for a man like your father, you will be blessed. I can't wait to see what the next 30 years has in store for us. Come grow old with me for the best is yet to be! Happy 30th Anniversary, Gregg. I love you.

What Grandmas Do!

2008-10-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

1. Grandmas believe you really do have superhero powers.
2. Grandmas let you eat your dessert first.
3. Grandmas let you wear your Spiderman costume all day long for 3 days in a row.
4. Grandmas amaze you by reading your mind.
5. Grandmas let you circle all the toys you want for Christmas in her brand new Penney's catalog.
6. Grandmas play Candyland with you and when you're not looking she switches the cards so she has to go clear back to the gingerbread man and you get to go clear up to the ice cream cone.
7. Grandma eats the leftover crusts from your pizza.
8. Grandmas give you quarters for the big gumball machine and the mechanical horsies.
9. Grandmas say, "It's okay, everyone has accidents," when you spill your 16 oz. soda all over her carpet.
10. Grandmas spend $6.00 to take you to a movie that you fall asleep in.
11. Grandmas have flaps of soft velvety skin that dangles from her upper arms, and she lets you sit beside her and rub it.
12. Grandmas always leave the night light on.
13. Grandmas sing silly songs, make goofy faces, and do weird things to make you laugh.
14. Grandmas love you more than the sky is high and the ocean is deep.
15. Grandmas don't have laps, at least the jolly ones don't!
16. Grandmas take time to smell the roses, look at pictures in the clouds, and count the number of legs on a spider.
17. Grandmas believe you are the smartest, prettiest, fastest, cutest, child that has ever or will ever be born.
18. Grandmas can run pretty fast when you're headed for the street!
19. Grandmas make you teddy bear shaped pancakes, let you put M & M's in your spaghetti, and let you paint her fingernails with magic markers.
20. Grandmas have all the answers to questions like why a blue gemstone has more powers for superheros than green ones, why Waldo never changes his sweater, does Spiderman's mom make him take a bath, and how does God fly when he doesn't have wings.
21. Grandmas love dandelions, cool shaped rocks, pieces of shiny glass, and handprints.
22. Grandmas don't like runny noses, dirty faces, and uncombed hair.
23. Grandmas let you order your own meal at a restaurant instead of making you split something with your little sister.
24. Grandmas are younger than you think and older than they think.
25. Grandmas believe in God, teach you how to pray, and tell you that you have nothing to be afraid of. Grandmas talk to God like they are talking to you. Grandmas know there is a God.....because she has seen Him in the faces of her grandchildren.

Seven Weird Random Things About Me

2008-10-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Gina....so here are my 7 weird/random things. I have no one to tag and wouldn't know how to do it anyway...so it dies with me. Sorry.
1. I eat my salad last-sort of like a dessert.
2. I have the rarest blood type...AB negative.
3. My senior year of high school, my friends and I had a bet going as to which of us could kiss the most boys by graduation...Unfortunately, I started dating Gregg and had to stop. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.}
4. I was voted best actress of my high school play.
5. I adore crushed ice, especially in pepsi.
6. I only had 38 classmates in my senior class, but had no clue that there was a kid named Gregg (my husband) in the same class until my Sophomore year when he came to pay me his class dues.
7. I once did the "bend and snap" for the UPS man.

Laughter: The Apathy Defeater!

2008-09-28T20:20:00.001-07:00

And by the way, my apathy has dispursed...and my laughter has returned! See my last post.

Nights in Rodanthe, "Or However in the World You Pronounce It"

2008-09-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

So...my sister, nephew and I went to see the movie Nights in Rodanthe. Okay...I normally love this kind of movie. Definite chick flick, romance and sad all wrapped up in one. However, this was not to be! Picture this... a couple of middle aged, menapausal women and a junior high age boy walking into this small theatre. We're early, of course, because neither of us like to be late, we get our popcorn and sit down. Now no one is in there yet, so we're talking about how hot we are in there. We're saying, really loud, "Man, it's hot in here." "I don't know if it's my hot flashes, but it is really hot in here." So this teenage projectionist boy, hear's us and goes over and turns the air conditioner up. We thank him politely, he leaves and my sister begans telling me that the worst customers are middle aged women like us. Apparently, most are very demanding and aggressive in their behavior. Imagine that! We had a good laugh about it, and settled in to watch the movie. The theatre started to fill up and this very skinny college age girl came in and sat toward the back. Two minutes later, she got up and went out again. A couple minutes past and she re-entered pulling on a hoodie sweatshirt. When she got back to her seat, she told her boyfriend it was really cold in there. Jeanne and I exchanged a mischievous look and twinkling eyes, and nearly busted out laughing. Serves those pencil children right for not getting some meat on their bones. Actually, we discussed how we could have cut off some of our extra padding and wrapped it around her for a jacket. It sure keeps us warm. That is how the evening started and it just got funnier from there. Now believe me, bringing a junior high age boy to a chick flick is probably not the smartest thing to do, but when he leaned over during Richard Gere and Diane Lane's love scene and whispered, "Repulsive...old people should never take off their clothes," Jeanne and I lost it again. It started to be a giggling fest. The more serious and sad the movie became, the harder we laughed. We couldn't even look at each other without bursting out loud. I thought I was going to have to leave the theatre because I got those terribly offensive giggles that you try to hold in for as long as you can, and then all sorts of noises squeeze from your mouth and nose. It was the most fun I've had in a really long time. The movie was lame.....but oh, it was so worth the $6.00 and buttered popcorn!

I Should Be Less Apathetic, but I Really Don't Care!

2008-09-21T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have been worried about my apathy lately. It seems I lack any passion, concern, or emotion when it comes to just about anything. I just don't seem to give a darn, or a fig about what's going on around me, what anyone thinks, or whether or not my family cares an iota about me. Okay, the last part is definitely not true. With this pathetic wave of apathy that has descended upon me, has also come an extreme irritation at my family, and an underlying self-pity that has me on an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. I feel unloved and unworthy of love...but at the same time, I demand and expect it without giving it. I believe I am going through a teeny tiny mid-life crisis, however, it is so tiny that it's hardly worth mentioning. I go through the motions of work, then come home to the same old, same old, and began the vicious cycle all over again the next day. "Where is the passion when you need it the most?" "I kick up the leaves and the magic is lost....." Most days are not bad...they are also not good. They are just days! Does that make any sense? I use to live in black and white...now everything is just gray. I use to say yes and no....now it's "who cares." I'm definitely in a funk....I should try to pick myself up by the bootstrap and pull myself out of it...but,....I really don't care!

Meanma Exposed!

2008-09-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Behind this big round Meanma mask, there is a person that none of my children or grandchildren really know. So I decided to compile a few facts about myself that will amaze, amuse, and help them get to know the person, buried deep within the folds, flaps, wrinkles, and ripples of stretched skin they think is me!
1. I once was a size 7, had long flowing hair, and all my teeth. Really.
2. I could type 40 words a minute, without any mistakes!
3. I once wrote a letter to Donny Osmond asking him to send me his free love beads. (No, he never answered, which was his loss, the little twerp)
4. I hit a kid over the head with my steel Lassie lunchpail. (That was just last week!)
5. I could rollerskate pretty darn well.
6. My most embarrassing moment was while jumping on the tramp in co-ed P.E. as my butt hit the tramp, I let one rip. (I blamed it on the popular girl in our class). Sorry, Jan!
7. I really liked Mrs. Ruble!!
8. I flirted with a peanut seller at the circus. (I bought the peanuts...I still have the old empty sack that I saved for thirty years.)(That really is pathetic.)
9. I have num chuck skills. (Okay....that one's a lie.)
10. I made my sister go on a date with a boy because his sister was my friend. (She was mean to him all night.)
11. Mom really did like me best. :)
12. I and my friend had a secret language in junior high that we could understand and no one else could. Malitchy Gablonka! (Funny, that's all I can remember now.)
13. I've actually owned 45 records, lp records, an 8-track and tapes, and a cassette player! Whooo. Whooo!
14. I have also driven a Ford Falcon and bought candy for a penny a piece!
15. I was going to name my children Jesse, Dana, and Eric Sheridan!
16. I thought money grew on trees, I was born in a barn, and life was a bowl of cherries. And even though the grass is greener on the other side....I never tried to smoke it. I realized that every dog had it's day, and that I couldn't get blood from a turnip. And I never tried to make a silk purse from a sow's ear or spit into the wind.
17. I sang songs like "Sweet and Innocent","My ding a ling", "Chewy, Chewy" and "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, Georgie Sire, and thought it was normal!
18. I listened to bands called Three Dog Night (okay, I don't get it), singing about a bullfrog named Jeremiah, Creedence Clearwater Revival, talking about a Bad Moon on the Rise, and the Doobie Brothers. (Okay, now I know what a doobie is....then I didn't.) Seriously.
19. I ate Crispy Critters, Whip and Chill, and Shake and Bake....and I helped!
20. And I never really ever watched The Exorcist, because I plugged my ears, closed my eyes, and sang really loud so I couldn't hear it.
21. The dirtiest word I ever said was my last name :)
22. I got a ventriloquest dummy one year for Christmas....jeez I asked for stupid Christmas presents. Jeanne got a snow cone maker....I got a microsope. Jeanne got an easy bake oven...I got a rock......
23. Lawrence Welk had a singer that looked like a chicken's butt, puckering up to poop. (Okay, that was what my bald headed grandpa used to say.) If you ever watch Lawrence Welk....you'll recognize him from his "O" shaped lips.
24. My candy grandma tried to make me touch a dead person in their coffin....I refused...then she tried to make my little sister....now that was crossing the line, and I put an end to that! In other words, I can stick up for myself when I have to, but I can defend others pretty viciously if I need to.
25. I once rode a roller coaster, because I had a crush on the carnival worker....circus workers, carnies...what does that say about me....Oh, jobbies, too.
26. Billy Graham used to scare the heck out of me...Now Hillary does!
27. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times described my junior high days.
28. I used to be able to wrap my legs around my neck....now I can wrap my neck around my neck.
29. The viaduct was the scariest part of my childhood. Mr. Kuster and Mary Daniels were a close second.
30. Okay....I hate to admit that this one is part of the real me. I liked to look at accident sites....

This is just a few of the facts about the younger me....I hope you learned at least one thing you never knew. Meanma exposed!

The Department Store Clerk from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

2008-09-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

I was shopping at a major department store yesterday and was standing in line with one stupid item for what seemed like forever when another lane opened up and I sighed with relief.
The middle-aged lady clerk very sweetly said, "I can help you over here," so I moved to her lane and set my picture frame gently on her counter. I soon realized I had made a massive mistake....but, too late. It took her a couple of minutes to punch her name into the cash register and get it ready to go. After trying to scan it with her malfunctioning gun, she shook it a few times, then moved on to the other scanner. I thought she was pretty slow, but hey, I was the first one in line. That was my second mistake. Slow, was definately not an apt description for her. Her mouth ran a thousand miles per minute, as I would soon discover.
"Oh, my, I thought it was working," she sighed as she ran my picture frame over the scanner on the counter. She looked me in the eye, smiled sweetly, and said, "Would you like to use your (name of store) card?"
"No, thank you." I aswered politely. Can't fault a clerk for doing her job, right? Third mistake!
"You do have a (store) card?" she asked in a question.
"No," I replied, wanting just to get out of there, as my knee and legs were killing me from a day of shopping.
"Would you like to apply for one?"
"No, thank you." I replied in a slightly annoyed voice.
"You can save 20 percent off of your purchase if you would like to apply."
Who was this woman? Did she not take no for an answer.
"It only takes you a minute. I have the application right here. You can even use it as a savings card, get the discount, and pay for the purchases anyway," she kept persisting.
"That's, uhmmm, interesting," I answered.
"It's getting close to Christmas. It would sure come in handy on all your Christmas purchases. It really will save you a lot."
By now, I was seriously annoyed. I wanted to pull her flapping lip over her head and make her disappear.
"You realize you could save 20 percent on this picture frame right now if you used our card."
Good grief....she had to be making a commission off of getting applications. She was really getting pushy. My blood pressure was rising, and I wanted to run out of there, but she still held on to my picture frame as she talked. Did she think I was an idiot???? Who in their right mind would apply for a card to get 20 percent off of one item? If I wanted to do that, I would have filled my cart to the brim with items and taken the 20 percent. Just give me my stinking frame that says Live, Laugh, Love on it and let me go home! Ironically, I wasn't loving right now, and I definately wasn't laughing.
I really believe if she would have asked me one more time, I would have yelled "Are you deranged, woman? What part of no do you not understand!!!!" Instead, I gritted my teeth, nodded, and took the bag she extended to me.
"Have a nice day!" her voice trailed behind me.
I bet she never even saw the steam that spouted from my ears and I know she never heard the names I called her under my breath.
That was my final mistake!

Orthorexia

2008-09-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

I was watching 20/20 the other night and happened to tune in to an episode that really got my attention. It was talking about orthorexia. I had not heard of such a thing, however, it really made me sit up and listen. Orthorexia is an obsession with healthy food or a "fixation on righteous eating." When healthfood junkies progress to the point where it crowds out other activities and interests, impairs relationships, and even becomes physically dangerous, then it might be a true eating disorder. Now this concerned me a little. My daughter and son-in-law are very health conscious (which can be a good thing) but it also worried me a little. What starts out as a relatively good thing, could turn into something very dangerous. Eating healthy is a good thing, right? However, when it begins to take over your life, there could be a problem. Here are some questions that you may ask yourself to see if you are just health conscious, or may have a serious problem.

Do you wish that occasionally you could just eat, and not think about whether it's good for you? Has your diet made you socially isolated? Is it impossible to imagine going through a whole day without paying attention to your diet, and just living and loving? Does it sound beyond your ability to eat a meal prepared with love by your mother-one single meal-and not try to control what she serves you? Do you have trouble remembering that love, and joy and play and creativity are more important than food? Have you gotten your weight so low that people think you may have anorexia?

According to Dr. Steven Bratman, if you recognize yourself in these questions, you might have orthorexia.

Coming from a family that centers their life, activities, holidays, and pleasure around food, I believe there is reason to believe that food obsession could be a problem in my family. I thought I understood most of the problems associated with food. Overeating, Bulemia, Anorexia. But this one seems even scarier. How can they get "healthy" when they keep eating healthier and healthier food, until there is nothing left healthy enough to eat!

The Heck with Tech!

2008-09-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

My computer cussed at me today! Seriously, it really did. I was opening one of my documents and instead, it had my document covered with little stars, symbols, and cussy signs. It's kind of funny actually, that I work with computers everyday....I am even knowledgable enough to help others fix their little computer glitches....but today, when it spewed out it's nasty little symbols, I was clueless. I sat and stared at the screen, then figured I just had a ton load more of work to do to get everything back the way it was suppose to be. I actually laughed! My day had already started out hectic, and now my computer was telling me that it had had enough, too. I laughed then. It wasn't quite as funny when my co-worker, came down, pushed the paragraph symbol, and everything was back to normal. I felt pretty stupid, which was exactly what I think my computer wanted me to feel like! I swear, it has a mind of it's own....and if you forget to baby it once in awhile....well, it gets great pleasure in letting you know who really is boss. And it wasn't me!

Apron Strings

2008-09-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

It's funny how God binds a mother to her child at birth and the literal umbical cord becomes symbolic of being tied to your mother's apron strings. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The invisable bond between a mother and her newborn...impossible to break, and yet, as the newborn becomes a young adult, the child demands it's severing. Something that is nearly impossible for the mother, can be done quite easily by the child, with the clip clip of the scissors. My mother use to tell me that a mother loves her children, more than her children love her, and I don't think I really believed it, until I became a mother. I know that's the way God planned it. Mothers are suppose to raise their children to make them strong and independent so that they can leave their nest and make their own lives. But...it's so hard......when you're the mother!
I can still remember when my children were young enough to think I was awesome! They weren't embarrassed by me when their friends came around! They thought I could do anything! Just take it to mom...she could fix it. Tell mom...she'll know what to do! They'd look at me with their big, round eyes full of love and admiration, crawl on my lap, kiss my cheek, or hug my neck, and say I love you, mommy. Yes, that lasted about .....hhmmmm....maybe 3 hours! But, a mother's pride in her children, well, somehow that lasts longer! When I hovered around them during their teenage years, things changed. Their big, round eyes, full of love, suddenly became big, rolling eyes of annoyance. the hugs became shrugged away, and their I love you's became mumbled afterthoughts of "love you, too." Somehow, those apron strings had elastisized and were stretching to the point that if they weren't severed soon, they would become giant slingshots that catapulted them into the forbidden utopia of freedomland. And they seemed to sense this. They had freedomland in their sights and there was no turning back. Now they seemed driven by the idea that mom was losing her grip on them, and they couldn't wait for that day. Now don't get me wrong...they still needed me.....(for a car, for some money, for making unpleasant phone calls when cars broke down, and don't forget, they needed their clothes washed and their bellies fed). That started to be the hard part for me. I still treated them like my baby, but I kept telling them to grow up!!! Well, that's just what they are trying to do! But a mom goes from being everything, to not being needed in a few short years, and no one ever teaches her how to deal with that. And while they are trying desparately to cut the apron strings, mom's holding on to them for dear life. She's even trying to tie them up with them! Ha! This tiny baby that she fell in love with, bathed, fed, diapered, taught, trained, laughed with, cried with, hurt with, well...it needed her. But this college age child...well...they just didn't need her as much any more. I assume this is where a lot of midlife crisis begin.....the realization that you have lived fifty years of your life for your children and now your job is done....and you don't really know who you are, what's important to you, and what you're going to do to fill the time that you had reserved for them. It's a happy time for the child.....it's a hard time for the parent. My youngest sometimes wonders why I spend so much time and energy thinking about her love life, her relationships, and who or what she's involved with....I guess I can honestly say that I think my job as a mother will never be complete until I can turn her over to somebody else. She marries and they live happily ever after....and I'll know I did a good job. That's what I think..at least, that's what I tell her...

Still Crazy after All These Years

2008-09-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

Well...I guess you're never too old to learn how to blog...and I never thought my children or grandchildren would hear me admitting to it! It worries me a little to have someone ask..."What did you do today!" and I smile slyly, a little embarrassed, and tell them, "I blogged."

Heaven forbid, my pastor finds out that life after 50 can still involve an occasional blog now and then. Just the word itself conjures up all kinds of daring and provacative images of titilating adventures, and I feel a little giddy thinking that I, a 50 year old grandmother from rural Nebraska, am still capable of a good blog! So, with that said, I am going to get back up on the old bicycle, and give it a good try. Blogging, that is! After all, I'm still crazy enough to try it.....I just hope I'm not too old to remember how!